August 30th, 2005


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05:20 pm - modern day ettiquette...
So a question for the ladies, and for the guys too, I suppose:

so at lunch with a female coworker I had a discussion about how much engagement rings should cost. I wondered if it was still important to have an engagement ring cost 2 months salary. Without getting too personal, I'm just going to say that beststephi's is cheaper than that. On the other hand, apparently its pretty common practice for a woman to know what her engagement rings costs and to tell all her friends (the coworker knew the value of the rings of several other women in the office).

Now see me, I'm of a different mindset. I can't imagine having two months salary on my finger or that of my wife. I had this same conversation with people on zephyr a while back and they all said "oh, its no big deal, its insured." But see I personally don't really like to walk around with more than $100 cash on me at any given time (and usually I try to keep it down at $40 or below). I grew up somewhere that people get shot dead for their shoes. If someone is walking around with 10Gs or whatever on their finger, well, I'm a civilized person, but I might just bust a cap in your ass. That's all I'm saying. Again, its not even the insurance. Its the danger. I don't want Steph to get shot for a ring. Even if the mugging didn't involve violent harm, it just seems like it would be unnecessary and without any real gain.

Now there's a difference of course. If you're a world famous rapper, you and can afford an entoruage, then sure. But see that means you have someone to shoot at people before they shoot you. So maybe that's the answer, maybe if you're wearing that much bling you need to be strapped.

So that's the question: Should engagement rings be expensive or is that a remnant of a time when 1 month's salary was $20. Do you care that the ring is that expensive? Do you worry about the responsibility and danger of wearing something that expensive? Would you wear it all the time, or just out? Or would you rather have a new car instead?

Current Mood: [mood icon] curious

(128 comments | Leave a comment)

 
modern day ettiquette... - graffiti.maverick

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Comments:


[User Picture]From: jacquez Date: August 30th, 2005 - 09:30 pm (Link)
*looks at car*

*looks at left hand*

I think you know my answer to that.

And the downpayment on the car was much less than two months' salary.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 30th, 2005 - 10:37 pm (Link)
hmmm... well, I can't see your car or your hand, so I actually don't know. I can guess. I can actually guess for most people reading this. But I don't really know for sure. Hence my asking.
From: jacquez Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:53 pm (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 04:19 am (Link)
[User Picture]From: bk2w Date: August 30th, 2005 - 09:37 pm (Link)
Counter-point: two months' salary has always been valuable, whether it be $20 or $20,000. It's still a lot of value.

That said, I'm pretty convinced that the "two months' pay" thing is purely a fabrication of DeBeers to sell diamonds. Right alongside hyping diamonds as an investment vehicle, and arranging for "appraisals" that indicate twice the paid price (which taken together interstingly kills most any kind of aftermarket for diamond).

But aside from the diamond question, I dislike jewelry that is that significantly more expensive than what one normally interacts with. It's difficult to wear it comfortably because you're frequently very aware of how much money is tied up in the object, and the comparative risk of danger.

While I may end up getting ring of some kind as an engagement gift, I find I prefer more useable engagement gifts, like Red's PT Cruiser. But I'm very unlikely to get a $20k ring for any occasion.
[User Picture]From: apestyle Date: August 30th, 2005 - 09:42 pm (Link)
Whoa. You make $20k in two months?!
Dude.
From: chrismaverick Date: August 30th, 2005 - 10:46 pm (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 30th, 2005 - 10:44 pm (Link)
From: bk2w Date: August 30th, 2005 - 10:57 pm (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 04:23 am (Link)
[User Picture]From: jetgrrl01 Date: August 30th, 2005 - 09:41 pm (Link)
Mine's much less, and that doesn't bother me one bit. Mostly I like mine because it's different, not a typical ring, not a big rock, and much more "me". The fact that it's also not something I need to worry about daily is a bonus. I did freak out over almost losing it in an airport once, but that was totally sentimental value, not monetary. I guess I feel a twinge every once in a while wishing that it was more than a few hundred because of that whole society pressure thing, but it's not something I feel very badly about or think less of J for. I mean, he bought it for me when he wasn't even working, so less expensive was very smart.

However, my friend's law school buddies (read: prissy, spoiled, rich) would totally freak if it wasn't a diamond and it wasn't HUGE. There are still people who feel that way. Just glad it's not MY people. :)
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 30th, 2005 - 10:49 pm (Link)
heh, I bought steph's when I was unemployed too, I think. Hard to remember. Yeah, I expect most people I know (or who bother to read me here anyway) are gonna fall in the more practical camp. But there are enough people I know who feel the other way, that i decided it was worth asking the question. I'm hoping one of them answers soon. I want to know the thought process.
[User Picture]From: princessgeek Date: August 30th, 2005 - 09:48 pm (Link)
The two month's salary thing is as much a fabrication by the diamond industry as Secretary's Day is a fabrication by Hallmark. Few people these days can afford to spend that on a diamond. Most women wouldn't want one that big. I also tend to think that if a woman requires a "two month salary" ring to get married, there are other issues. *cough*golddigger*cough*
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 30th, 2005 - 10:51 pm (Link)
Listening to Kanye West?

It depends on who you ask. I'm sure in a fair survey, you'd be surprised at how many people want, if not a 2 month salary ring, one that is "expensive enough to be nice." I mean, with me I think the asking is about a billion times more important. But hey.

That said, its totally unfair that steph didn't buy me one as well.
From: marmal8 Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:34 pm (Link)
From: jacquez Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:56 pm (Link)
From: nlanza Date: August 31st, 2005 - 12:07 am (Link)
From: marmal8 Date: August 31st, 2005 - 12:18 am (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 04:25 am (Link)
From: mistergone Date: August 31st, 2005 - 12:49 pm (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 01:51 pm (Link)
From: mistergone Date: August 31st, 2005 - 02:26 pm (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 02:44 pm (Link)
From: mistergone Date: August 31st, 2005 - 02:57 pm (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:40 pm (Link)
From: mistergone Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:47 pm (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:49 pm (Link)
From: mistergone Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:52 pm (Link)
[User Picture]From: marmal8 Date: August 30th, 2005 - 09:52 pm (Link)
I thought it was only one month's salary. But I know how much I take home in a month, and I wouldn't want to walk around with something worth that much, or twice that much, anywhere on my body. And I don't even make that much per month.

I don't actually care for bigass diamonds, or bigass any stone. I really like sundaygray's ring because it's so different and suits her and it's not flashy. I kind of hate all the gals my age at work with their diamonds and their endless wedding/husband talk. I wouldn't want to associate myself with that way of being, and I take the ring into account. Maybe it's just the bitter talking. Everyone has big diamonds because it's tradition. But is the traditional thing the best thing for you? Only you know the answer.

On related note, I said a while ago (to myself) that I don't want to go to any more weddings because they're all the same, but I'd make an exception for Mav because he knows how to throw a good party.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 30th, 2005 - 10:55 pm (Link)
See, finally someone who shares my opinion. If you were making High School student money, that' d be different. A couple hundred in jewelry would make me a little nervouse but its not that big a deal. Walking around with THOUSANDS of dollars on you just seems stupid.
From: marmal8 Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:30 pm (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 04:27 am (Link)
From: sundaygray Date: August 31st, 2005 - 02:52 pm (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:31 pm (Link)
[User Picture]From: kissmary Date: August 30th, 2005 - 10:16 pm (Link)
I wanted something smaller, so that meant something less expensive. And I'm happy with what I have. I think a bigger ring would get caught on things, because my smaller one already does (like towels, pockets, etc.).
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 30th, 2005 - 10:55 pm (Link)
yeah, I didn't really get into that, but that's another issue. Steph wouldn't have wanted a huge ring. She seems quite content with the one that she has.
[User Picture]From: jameel Date: August 30th, 2005 - 10:17 pm (Link)
Man, fuck a diamond. Find something with a nice stone that she likes. DeBeers can kiss my ass. Hell, do what I'm planning on doing if I ever get married and consult citgirl on the stone and setting. She's really good.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 02:57 am (Link)
oh, I bought steph a ring almost 2 years ago. I wasn't looking for advice for my personal needs. Just looking to see what general opinions were, even though I knew the sampling was quite skewed just based on my general readership.
From: citgirl Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:41 am (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 04:31 am (Link)
From: citgirl Date: August 31st, 2005 - 08:41 am (Link)
[User Picture]From: katieboyd Date: August 30th, 2005 - 10:24 pm (Link)
Thing is, if you're asking someone to marry you, you should know that person well enough to know what kind of jewelry/other sort of symbolic token of the engagement they might like or not like. Standards only exist to make things easier. Some things shouldn't be made easier.

My opinion on the receiver of the ring knowing the cost is much like any other present. All price tags should be removed and specific numbers never mentioned. However, sometimes ball park figures are obvious. Once can tell the difference between expensive and cheap, and if something seems cheap, well, it doesn't show a lot for representing how much you value the person you're giving it to. And cheap/expensive is in the mind of the beholder, and we're back to knowing the givee pretty well.

I do think your fear of mugging is rather silly, and possibly contrived. No excuse is necessary if it's something she'll appreciate.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:01 pm (Link)
I think its an upbringing thing. You think its silly because you probably grew up somewhere where people didn't get mugged as much. I wasn't kidding. People get shot over $100 shoes. I know people who'd seriously consider taking your hand off for a $10K rock. Hell, if I were a crack fiend I'd do it. Batman's parents were killed over a wallet and a strand of pearls. So I don't think its really that irrational. I mean, my fear of riding buses because I don't want to be kidnapped. That's irrational. But even that's justifiable once you realize its happened to me. It just doesn't happen that often. People get mugged all the time. Big expensive rock == target!
From: katieboyd Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:25 pm (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 04:37 am (Link)
From: anisodragnfly Date: August 31st, 2005 - 09:07 pm (Link)
From: katieboyd Date: August 31st, 2005 - 09:51 pm (Link)
From: katieboyd Date: August 31st, 2005 - 10:13 pm (Link)
From: citgirl Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:53 am (Link)
From: jameel Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:13 pm (Link)
From: katieboyd Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:31 pm (Link)
From: katieboyd Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:42 pm (Link)
From: jameel Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:45 pm (Link)
From: katieboyd Date: August 31st, 2005 - 12:00 am (Link)
From: jameel Date: August 31st, 2005 - 12:26 am (Link)
From: katieboyd Date: August 31st, 2005 - 12:34 am (Link)
From: jameel Date: August 31st, 2005 - 12:39 am (Link)
From: duckmonster Date: August 31st, 2005 - 12:43 am (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 04:40 am (Link)
[User Picture]From: katharos Date: August 30th, 2005 - 10:32 pm (Link)
Jesse cast my ring himself. The coolness of that far outweighs anything worth a months salary.

And yah, I'd be terrified to walk around wearing something worth that much. Good grief. But then I'm a real person. I walk down the street, and I take public transportation when it's convenient. I dig in the dirt with my fingers and I ride a bicycle to work. None of these things fit with 10k rings.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:05 pm (Link)
Yeah, that's definitely cool.

yeah, I think that lifestyle is going to effect people's opinions here to an extent. But really, Steph works in an office at CMU. She drives to work every day and types on a computer and reads in a library. And I'd still be terrified for her to have her walking around with that kinda value on her person.
From: zombiesrah Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:06 pm (Link)
From: zombiesrah Date: August 30th, 2005 - 10:35 pm (Link)
Yikes. I'd feel horrendously guilty if someone ever spent that much on me, especially for a rock and scrap of metal that does... what? Nothing useful, and would probably just catch on stuff. And I'd be forever paranoid of losing it, insurance or not

I'd rather have some just of just-metal band (I picked my college class ring to be stone-less... I just don't like stones in rings, and I especially don't care for diamonds. I like color, and diamonds always looked kinda boring to me). Or nothing at all. I'd be just fine with a complete lack of ring... it's the person and relationship that matters, not the shinies. :)
From: zombiesrah Date: August 30th, 2005 - 10:36 pm (Link)
That's a lot of "justs" in the second paragraph. I blame a long week (already). And the first "just" should be "sort", anyway. My brain is gone.
From: jameel Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:15 pm (Link)
From: zombiesrah Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:18 pm (Link)
From: raia Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:18 pm (Link)
From: zombiesrah Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:24 pm (Link)
From: citgirl Date: August 31st, 2005 - 08:51 am (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 04:43 am (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:02 am (Link)
From: zare_k Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:04 pm (Link)
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:24 am (Link)
I'm sure sui66iy will probably rant about the DeBeers cartel too.

I wish I had a more diverse readership. I mean, I know its my "fault" given the people I associate with and the way I write here, but I really do want to hear some justification for why having an expensive ring is important, and I assure you there are a whole lot of people who do feel that an expensive ring in necessary. I wish I had a more representative sampling.
[User Picture]From: limpingpigeon Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:04 pm (Link)
I'm not big on engagement rings, really. Of course, I don't think engagement rings have been a big thing in my family, really. It would be nice to wear a wedding ring, for symbolic reasons, but the engagement ring isn't a big deal to me

Now, a brand new shiny engagement iBook (or similarly nice laptop) would be another story... :)
From: zombiesrah Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:08 pm (Link)
Oooh. I like your taste. I'd probably take a new shiny Vaio over an iBook, but otherwise I'm completely with you there. ;)
From: dariaphoebe Date: August 31st, 2005 - 12:36 am (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:27 am (Link)
[User Picture]From: sexyhockihoochi Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:12 pm (Link)

Just my opinion...

To most girls (myself included), the 2 month salary thing is a little extreme. Personally, the cost isn't the issue...the issue is whether the man knows me well enough to know what I would like (as in I hate gold gold, but LOVE white gold). My bestfriend, Beth, looks at rings all the time. I would say that probably a good figure is $300-$500, but I haven't looked at any rings, so that's not helpful. If I had an engagement ring, I would wear it all the time, just like you wear a wedding band all the time...but since that won't happen within the next 10 years, I'm not worried about the whole getting caught on things. lol

Actually, my roommate from freshmen year in college picked out a $7500 engagement ring. In my opinion, that's WAY over the top, but some girls never have to worry about money the way I do.

I'd rather have a $500 ring and the rest be used to pay off college loans! lol.

Hope this helps ya a bit!
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:34 am (Link)

Re: Just my opinion...

ooh! engagement loan paying off would be awesome! Or engagement tuition!

Yeah, see $7500 is getting up towards where I was talking about. Also, if you want to go diamond, $500 buys you a lot less ring than you probably think it does. But I don't think it should have to be diamond. $500 can buy an extremely nice ring that's not diamond.
From: sexyhockihoochi Date: August 31st, 2005 - 11:04 am (Link)

Re: Just my opinion...

From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 02:51 pm (Link)

Re: Just my opinion...

From: sexyhockihoochi Date: August 31st, 2005 - 05:08 pm (Link)

Re: Just my opinion...

From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 05:18 pm (Link)

Re: Just my opinion...

From: sexyhockihoochi Date: August 31st, 2005 - 07:58 pm (Link)

Re: Just my opinion...

From: ludimagist Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:18 pm (Link)
I can't speak for myself on this as I don't wear an engagement ring and am not engaged (the_snoo, though she is kind of a wife, has not proposed to make anything official, even though we technically could get married in MA).

But...

My older sister is married, with a really nice ring that she is really happy about, but she will not set foot on the streets of Rio with it on her finger. One of the things that she likes about visiting the family is being able to wear her ring in public.

I don't know the value of the ring or anything, but where she lives people don't wear jewelery at all. It's not her neighborhood, it's Brazil in general.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:36 am (Link)
so you're saying she does care about having the really nice ring, but just doesn't wear it out of fear?
From: ludimagist Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:41 am (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 04:46 am (Link)
[User Picture]From: thwomp Date: August 30th, 2005 - 11:33 pm (Link)
We paid more for my engagement ring that we paid for the Comanche. That's not saying much, the Comanche was only a grand.

For the first month I had it, I was sort of nervous about it. Jeff wouldn't let me take it on our first vacation to Cancun, for example. I've been wearing it a bit over 3 years now, and I never worry about it now, except that it sometimes will slide off my finger if I move my hands to quickly.

I wear it to yoga class, to garden in, to walk the dogs. It's almost always the most expensive thing I have on, the only exception being my wedding gown, which was roughly the same cost.

As for why I wanted a diamond, I love diamonds. I also have some very nice diamond earrings that I wear every day. I specifically wanted an emerald cut one, which I got because I went with Jeff and picked it out.

It wasn't two months salary. I think at the time it was closer to one month of Jeff's salary. And other than the poofy white dress, it may have been the most traditional thing about my wedding.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:39 am (Link)
finally somoene in the caring column. Ok, so here's the question... and I know this may be hard. But Why do you care? Why did you want a diamond? Would you have been upset at a $500 ring? a $100 ring? no ring at all? What about if he'd bought you a corvette instead of a ring?
From: thwomp Date: August 31st, 2005 - 06:40 pm (Link)
[User Picture]From: xthlcm Date: August 31st, 2005 - 12:53 am (Link)
That guideline is crap, and I believe that people who buy into the diamond racket are, frankly, foolish. It's a manufactured tradition of silly consumption. A young couple starting out has WAY better things to spend money on than a stupid diamond, especially when house prices are so high. I understand that some women are under intense social pressure to spend several thousand dollars on a chunk of metal. Overall, though, I have nothing but contempt for the entire thing.

We had our engagement rings made by a jeweller in Maine. They're beautiful, personal, and cost about $900 for the pair. $450 for a ring is still pretty high, but it looks ordinary until you examine it closely. I never worry about wearing mine around.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:44 am (Link)
at essence, all traditions are manufactured. My point is more that for whatever reason its important to some people and unimportant to others. Making value judgements on the opinions or on the cartels that run the diamond business hurts the argument in my view. It clutters things. I'm specifically interested in the social dynamic and its effect thereof. The impetus behind its manufacturing are less important to me. Unless of course you are arguing that you'd want a shiny diamond but you specifically didn't get one because you wanted to do something to stick it to the man because cartels are evil and wrong. That would be of interest to me. Saying that it isn't a real tradition isn't. It is a real tradition. It is a real guideline, because for better or worse, people use it. A lot of people.
From: xthlcm Date: August 31st, 2005 - 04:22 am (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 04:49 am (Link)
From: xthlcm Date: August 31st, 2005 - 04:29 am (Link)
[User Picture]From: duckmonster Date: August 31st, 2005 - 12:56 am (Link)
I agree with the general viewpoint, here. I think two months' salary is a lot, and it's possible to find a very nice ring for a lot less than that. I'd love to say that I don't believe in engagement rings at all, but that isn't strictly true. Actually, it isn't true at all; engagement rings are a nice tradition, though the "requirement" that they be diamond and uber expensive can go the way of the dodo. (I do like the idea of each person buying a ring for the other, so that both have something to symbolize their engagement.) It's much more important that the ring be something s/he will like, something that matches his/her style. (I'd look silly in a big engagement ring like my mom had, and I wouldn't wear one that was gold. Things like that are more important than how much it costs.) The idea of getting your fiance a car or a computer or something that will break... no, I really hate that. The nice thing about the ring is it will be there, undiminished, many years after you've been married.

[User Picture]From: duckmonster Date: August 31st, 2005 - 12:58 am (Link)
Oh, and telling her how much it cost: unnecessary, but not inherently wrong. Telling other people how much he spent on it, if he does tell you: tacky.
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 04:50 am (Link)
From: thwomp Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:09 am (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:54 am (Link)
From: duckmonster Date: August 31st, 2005 - 04:56 am (Link)
[User Picture]From: georgejas Date: August 31st, 2005 - 01:02 am (Link)
i think most people who read this know i don't want a ring. if somebody's got that much money to spend on me, don't. spend it on *us* - a meaningful trip or vacation or home improvement-ness. life's too short to spend wearing cash that could have been used by improving it.

[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:58 am (Link)
I think the counterargument would be that the value of the symbol as a reminder would be an improvement in life. I don't personally agree, but I can see the point of view.
[User Picture]From: duckmonster Date: August 31st, 2005 - 01:11 am (Link)
Also, you should ask DPB. They like talking about LiveJournal, of late.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 04:00 am (Link)
I don't know that it would be useful. I expect they'd just be more of the same as people who are here already. Very much on the practical side. That said, I'm always curious about other people's views. Feel free to send them this way if you want.
[User Picture]From: sui66iy Date: August 31st, 2005 - 02:01 am (Link)
Not only is the two month's salary thing a fabrication of the diamond industry, the whole diamond engagement ring "tradition" is a fabrication of the diamond industry. It's entirely a construct of DeBeers and is barely 75 years old. It was cooked up by a Madison Avenue advertising firm. (There's a great Atlantic article about this whole thing, but it seems like they're charging for content these days...)

Anyway, diamonds would be approximately as expensive as sand if not for the cartel. And if you're worried about the ring being "worth too much", well, you shouldn't be. Apparently the resale market of diamonds isn't very good (because the cartel wants to control the supply and doesn't want a lot of loose diamonds floating around).

So if someone gives you flack for not buying an expensive diamond, inform him or her that he or she is an ignorant tool that has been manipulated by the Man. (Disclaimer: Jill's engagement ring has diamonds in it, but we mostly liked the design. It was not anywhere near two month's salary.)
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 04:15 am (Link)
Ah... as I told omakarja I was sure you'd mention the DeBeers cartel. But going back to what I said to xthlcm as well: The fact that its a manufactured tradition doesn't make it any more real. Mother's Day and Valentine'ss Day are manufactured, but very important to people. Christmas was artificially applied to a previously existing Pagan holiday, and yet the Christians wholeheartedly embrace it.

I wasn't really getting into why diamonds are expensive. I am quite aware of the artificial price gouging. But if it wasn't diamonds, it would be something else. What I'm looking for is investigating why its important to people. And very not important to other people. I mean, did you specifically pick Jill's ring to be anti-debeers-tradition? Or was it not an issue at all?

I'm not worried about Steph's ring getting her mugged. Its very not flashy, which suits her fine. She doesn't particularly like calling attention to herself anyway. As for resale value of a diamond, you're on crack. Do you need to get the whole $10,000 "replacement value" of the ring? Of course not, but you stole it. You only need to be able to fence it for enough to buy more crack than the bullets you spent were worth. I'm sure you can pull a cool grand on the street for a $10K rock.
From: sui66iy Date: August 31st, 2005 - 09:09 am (Link)
From: sui66iy Date: August 31st, 2005 - 09:46 am (Link)
From: sundaygray Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:19 pm (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:43 pm (Link)
[User Picture]From: max1975 Date: August 31st, 2005 - 05:18 am (Link)
64 comments? Jesus. I'm not gonna read them because I have better things to do with my life, so sorry if I'm repetitive. But here's my suggestion. Get her the 2 month salary ring to show her how much you love her, and then get her a $5 knockoff to wear in public.

No. No, that doesn't work, because your average mugger is not gonna know whether it's the $10K or the $5 rock on her finger. The satisfaction of knowing how disappointed the mugger is gonna be when he gets to the pawnshop isn't gonna be much comfort at her funeral.

Ya know what? Screw the ring, just give her the cash. Let her get a new car or something. Or a spare kidney. Y'know, something useful.

Yeah, I guess I'm not so romantic.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 01:58 pm (Link)
yeah, that's kinda the feeling I had. That's where a lot of people were going in the above comments that you're apparently "too good" to read, you bum.

As I said elsewhere, though. The survey here is artificially skewed, because my readers tend to already flow towards a certain mindset that isn't exactly representative of the real public.
[User Picture]From: mistergone Date: August 31st, 2005 - 01:01 pm (Link)
I'm not buying any diamonds for anyone. Not only is the arificial inflation of diamonds bullshit, but the diamond trade doesn't jive with my politics. (Neither does the meat industry, but it's a lot easier to not buy diamonds than to not eat meat. I didn't say I was perfect.)

Of course, any girl I date ultimately comes to know my politics and knows how I feel about diamonds. How she reacts to that ultimately determines how seriously I take our relationship.

Once, a female friend told me, "The engagement ring you give to your fiance will probably be two twigs tied together with a feather stuck in them, and she'll love it." And I think that's me.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 02:01 pm (Link)
ok, but how do you feel about buying a ring that is expensive but not a diamond? I mean, do you seriously expect to use two twigs and a feather, or are you more likely to go with something that's $100? $500? something that came out of a crackerjack box?
From: mistergone Date: August 31st, 2005 - 02:35 pm (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 02:54 pm (Link)
From: mistergone Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:00 pm (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:12 pm (Link)
[User Picture]From: tobalita Date: August 31st, 2005 - 02:56 pm (Link)
Interesting thread! :) I really try not to judge other people's wedding-related choices, but that can be hard.

I knew one couple who had already booked a wedding venue, but wouldn't consider themselves engaged because the guy was still saving up for a ring. There was another woman who I hadn't met yet, but the legend of her $10K ring preceded her, so when we finally met all I could think of was, "There's the crazy lady with the unbelievable expensive ring".

But people are all different, so it's really hard to say what everyone else *should* do. I guess I can just answer with what works for me, and try to curb the deliciously tempting urge to judge others choices by my own standards.

Before I was engaged, I used to think that I didn't want an engagement ring at all. I thought a wedding band was plenty. But then I guess tradition / societal expectations caught up with me, and I couldn't imagine a proposal or engagement without some symbolic token of commitment. And now I have to say that I LOVE LOVE LOVE my ring!

For me 2X monthly salary is way too much to spend. I don't know the exact cost of my engagement ring, but I think it's about 1/2 monthly salary. I do like knowing that I have something valuable, but I don't care about the stats. I wear it all the time and never take it off (work, sleep, soccer, shower, camping). I don't worry about it at all.

We had some issues with diamond politics, so we only looked for old rings in antique shops. I highly recommend that to anyone looking for rings that are a little different and less expensive.

And I wouldn't rather have something useful. I'm mostly a practical person and don't have a lot of showy things, so it's nice to have a beautiful, romantic, lifelong (hopefully) shiny pretty thing that's special because it was a gift just to me from my love. Call me brainwashed by the industry, but it's nice.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:38 pm (Link)
well, uh... ok, since you asked... fine: you're brainwashed by the industry. :-)

seriously, though: so what do you think made your expectations change? I mean, did you have actual pressure from parents "Matt's such a slacker, make him buy you a real goddamn ring." or was it just that as you got older you started thinking "it'd be nice to just have one nice traditional thing." or was it something else?
From: tobalita Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:42 pm (Link)
[User Picture]From: marsinthestars Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:26 pm (Link)
I grew up in Safety Mc'Safeville, so the whole being mugged for a ring has never occurred to me. So I'll start with that as a disclaimer, should I say anything particularly naive in this post.

I always thought the diamonds in the engagement ring were just a nice touch, since for many many people diamonds are not something you'll see or wear every day, so it makes the engagement ring a little different from the 25 cent ring in the machine at the supermarket. Then again, one would hope the sentiments accompanying the ring, regardless of cost would also separate it from the 25 cent ring...

A friend of mine has a plain gold band, with 3 tiny tiny diamonds in it, which in a dangerous neighborhood probably doesn't even flash enough to call any attetnion. She's not materialistic by any means, but she likes the little bit of diamond.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, my mother had a "traditional" silver band with a diamond popping out at the front. Somewhat flashy, and never came off her hand. Until the day she lost the diamond, some 18 years after her marriage. Then she found a much larger diamond in my grandmother's vault, willed to no one. She had it set into her ring, and this thing is going to sink her if she ever falls off a boat.

I think it says something about a person.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: August 31st, 2005 - 03:47 pm (Link)
see, that astounds me. If I were going to have expensive jewelry, I'd want to use it to accessorize stuff. I would never want to wear the same diamond all the time. I mean, what if she's going jogging. Doesn't it bother her that the diamond doesn't match her jogging suit or whatever?

And like you said, she lost one diamond, and yet she wears her new one all the time too? I mean, even ignoring my paranoia about getting rolled for expensive jewelry, I would think the threat of loss would at least bother her. But it doesn't?
From: marsinthestars Date: August 31st, 2005 - 09:51 pm (Link)
From: bettybleu Date: September 10th, 2005 - 09:30 pm (Link)

So

So we all know I am very unconventional, a little wild, and I travel a bit. First off find the ring that suits you and her best don't worry about anyone else. Also in my opion getting insurances papers with an engagenment ring is so unromantic and unsexxxy I'd be happier without a ring thank you very much! Also on a side not I have to say I have a friend and he is buying a 2 or 2 1/2 carat diamond engagement ring its called the Tffany ring you know like the ring in the Life game? for his fiance and she is not thrilled about it because A) She is not that monetary, and B)That is the same type of engagement ring he bought for his last fiance who dumped him. My friend would like a smaller somewhat different white gold ring but can't talk him out of the other one.....because that is the exact type of ring HE pictures his wife wearing! What do you think of that? Weird or romantic...oh yeah she get insurance papers with it and would not be allowed to wear it to work so wtf? I know she is happier without a ring and cannot tell him that.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 11th, 2005 - 07:05 am (Link)

Re: So

yeah, i'd say weird and unromantic. Why buy something for someone when they don't want it.
 

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