September 28th, 2005


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08:48 am - and this is what all the trouble is for?
Anna Nicole Smith
Anna Nicole Smith
I hate to say it, but "I'd hit it!"
Why the hell do we need a Supreme Court anyway? See, I thought all of this random mud slinging over John Roberts was about whether or not we could have abortions and gay marriage and stem cell research and stuff like that. I thought it was a big deal. Apparently not. Actually, what its about is whether or not Anna Nicole Smith deserves a share of her late husbands fortune.

No shit. I'm serious. The Supreme Court of the fucking United States of America has agreed to hear the Anna Nicole case. 1900 appeals currently in the queue for the Supreme Court and they have elected to hear the Anna Nicole case. Normally I'd be outraged at the waste of government, but see in this case I actually kinda have to agree. You see the Supreme Court NEEDS to step in here and right a serious wrong.

For those not familiar with the case, let me briefly synopsize. This dude named J. Howard Marshall II works his ass off his entire life to amass a 1.4 billion dollar oil fortune. Then, in 1994, at 89-years-old, wheel chair ridden and near death, he decides, "Fuck it, I'm a billionaire, I might as well enjoy it." So he decides to marry the Playmate of the Year. He has a good year of crazy sex with the PMOY (who is 63 years younger than him) and finally succumbs and dies. Apparently he dies a happy man. You know, cuz really, he was almost 90 and fucking a Playmate.

So the courts initially decide to split the 1.4 billion between the PMOY, Anna Nicole Smith, and the guy's 2 kids. Sounds fair to me. Well, the guy's son, E. Pierce Marshall, then decides to sue Anna Nicole, saying she doesn't deserve any of his father's money because she's a gold digger (Big Ups to Kanye). And so he convinced the court to strip her of her original $474million award and award the entire $1.4billion to him (I don't quite get what his rationale for excluding his sister was).

What the fuck?!?!

Ok, I get that she married him for the cash. Don't you think J. Howard knew that? The man was 89 years old. He knew he didn't have long for the world. He made the decision that he wanted to use whatever time he had left with a PMOY trophy wife on his arm. He decided it was worth it. Who the fuck is his son to say that his father was wrong for that now? It's 1.4 billion dollars. She wants $474million of it. That leaves him with almost a BILLION FUCKING DOLLARS! Get over it.

See, the thing with me, is I feel that if you're a 26 year old playmate who just spent the last year fucking a dying 89-year-old man, you DESERVE a bit of a payoff. Whether you love him or not, is irrelevant. Anna was the hottest commodity in the world at the time. She could have been with anyone. She agreed to be with this guy. GIVE HER THE GODDAMN MONEY!

Let me just go on record right now. When I'm 90-years-old, should I have the means to fuck a 26-year-old Playmate of the Year, I shall be utilizing it. If she's goodly enough to agree to it, and stick around filling my final remaining days with grade-A poontang, then she can have whatever of mine she wants after I'm gone. If one of my good for nothing kids tries to fuck that arrangement up, then someone please beat the hell out of them for me. If it comes to it, my trophy wife has my consent to pay someone $1million to ... *ahem*... take care of the problem.

So that's my question, for you Mr. Roberts. I don't care where you stand on abortion or gay marriage or stem cell research. I don't care about your past decisions in the courts. I don't care where you fall on the traditional left-wing to right-wing continuum. What I want to know, sir, is do you support the rights of the elderly to get laid by famous gorgeous women young enough to be their great grand daughters? I need to know this, sir. We the people deserve to know where you stand.

HOVA Bless America.

(22 comments | Leave a comment)

 
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Comments:


[User Picture]From: gigglefaerie Date: September 28th, 2005 - 12:59 pm (Link)
Agreed.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 28th, 2005 - 01:09 pm (Link)
agreed, you'd hit it?

Just kidding... obviously, you're agreeing to let people kill your kids if they try to hurt the one person who granted your dying wishes of getting a little sexual satisfaction in your old age.

Damn kids...
[User Picture]From: gigglefaerie Date: September 28th, 2005 - 01:48 pm (Link)
absolutely. Damn, her site is boring as all hell. Oh yeah, I'd hit it too.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 28th, 2005 - 01:56 pm (Link)
Damn, her site is boring as all hell


yeah... her site sucks... I was annoyed with it in the 45 seconds it took me to page through it and find a decent picture of her.

Oh yeah, I'd hit it too


Can I watch? Hell, care to share? Actually, we should hang out sometime. Play pinbally or just get a beer or something.
[User Picture]From: suicideking Date: September 28th, 2005 - 01:06 pm (Link)
She will need that money to get the old man stink off of her anyway. Removing the smell of boiled cabbage and ointment from your person is a costly process.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 28th, 2005 - 01:11 pm (Link)
that's the real tragedy of it all. The guy died like 10 years ago now. That's ten years that she's been walking around unable to wash the old man mell off of her most intimate areas. No wonder she put on so much weight. I'd be depressed too. The poor girl. And she still hasn't gotten the money yet, but she's managed to lose all that weight on her own. So brave. So very very brave.
[User Picture]From: limpingpigeon Date: September 28th, 2005 - 03:13 pm (Link)
I can only assume she wasn't explicitly written into his will (probably because it was assumed that the whole marriage thing would hold up when it came to inheritance). Let this be a lesson to future elderly billionaires with trophy wives: Make sure the chick is written clearly and solidly into the will. Play up the "It's my money and I'll leave it to whomever I damn well please!" angle.

It's like remembering to tip your waitress. It's just plain common courtesy.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 28th, 2005 - 03:27 pm (Link)
that is correct. She wasn't explicitly written into the will, though she was his legal wife, and stood with him til the day he died. It is apparently well accepted that the father WANTED to leave her the money, but the son's claim was that no matter what his dad wanted, she's a gold digger and doesn't deserve it.

There's also dispute as to what law to follow or something. I don't remember the particulars, and don't feel like looking it up right now, but its soemthing like in California she is entitled to at least half the estate no matter what the will says and in Texas she's entitled to nothing unless the will says so, and it was unclear which states laws to actually use or something like that.

I'm of the opiinion that he was 89, and smart enough to run his business. He knew he was dying sooner rather than later and he married her. He didn't just date her (he had been her sugar daddy for a few years apparently). He didn't just screw her. He married her. I think its pretty clear that his intentions were for her to get at least some of that money.

It should also be noted that original judgement was that she'd get $474million (about a 1/3 of the estate). That got dropped down to $88million. The son won't even allow her that. He is on record as saying she doesn't deserve a dime. Which is just greedy. $88million out of $1.4billion isn't even noticable.
[User Picture]From: limpingpigeon Date: September 28th, 2005 - 03:44 pm (Link)
With all the confusion over the inheritance laws, I think this just shows that legal marriage is pretty useless as a way of managing property and inheritance. Yet another argument for the government and the law to just stay out of marriage altogether.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 28th, 2005 - 03:49 pm (Link)
well yes, I have been advocating the abolishment of the legal concept of marriage for quite some time now. I actually commented much the same thing as you to ludimagist below.
From: ludimagist Date: September 28th, 2005 - 03:29 pm (Link)
What is this country coming to when Anna Nicole is being denied her basic rights as a successful golddigger?

What happened to the American Way? Let the damn kids go make their own money.

I look forward to the media circus.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 28th, 2005 - 03:37 pm (Link)
exactly, as far as I am concerned, she earned every penny. And she's not even trying to take the majority of the cash. She want's a third. She married the guy, as far as I'm concerned she's got more right to dick his kids out of the money than vice versa, but she's not even trying to do that. I'm no Anna Nicole fan. But really, in this case I think she's behaving much more intelligently than the son is. And I think what she's proposing is WAY more than fair.

Its not like the guy wrote a will that said "I want my son to have everything and my wife to have nothing." He has a will that says "I'm not currently married, so I guess I'll leave everything to my kids."

If we're gonna deal with all of this defense of marriage bullshit, (both on the pro and anti homosexual marriage camps) and we're not going to go through with my recommendation of abolishing the legal concept altogether anyway, then at the very least a marriage should mean implicit property ownership.

For the year that she was married to the guy, she was the reigining PMOY. Which means she had a bunch of modelling gigs and personal appearances and stuff, probably. So she made an income of her own. And while smaller than his, I would imagine that they had to file joint income taxes. Probably his tax owed was hire than her entire contribution to the income. So if they are a single leagal tax entity, then as far as I'm concerned, when one half of that partnership died, she should have inherited the other half.

Why am I not king, dammit!
[User Picture]From: marmal8 Date: September 28th, 2005 - 08:50 pm (Link)
Anna Nicole is my hero. I wanna grow up to be just like her. Give her the money dammit!
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 28th, 2005 - 09:29 pm (Link)
you need much bigger boobs and much blonder hair. Luckily technology can you both. You're also waaaaayyyyyy too smart, but you can probably fake that.
[User Picture]From: marmal8 Date: September 28th, 2005 - 11:11 pm (Link)
I'm smart enough to play dumb!
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 29th, 2005 - 02:56 am (Link)
not sure I believe you. You're gonna need to show me some ditzyness.
[User Picture]From: marmal8 Date: September 30th, 2005 - 12:00 am (Link)
Um, ok, like...huh?
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 30th, 2005 - 01:11 am (Link)
shazam! you're bee's knees young lady. I'll give you 500 million dollars if you'll have intimate relations with me. heh heh heh *wheeze*
[User Picture]From: marmal8 Date: September 30th, 2005 - 01:45 am (Link)
If I really were stupid, I wouldn't ask to see your great big bank balance before I gave it up. But I'm not, so show it to me, big daddy.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 30th, 2005 - 03:31 am (Link)
Oh got your big bank balance right here, baby! REAL BIG!
[User Picture]From: danitapgh Date: September 28th, 2005 - 10:58 pm (Link)
Two words:
Clarence Thomas

I don't get why this is a supreme court issue. She was the wife at the time? I thought that women in this country had certain rights. If she didn't sign some sort of prenup, shouldn't ALL the money be hers?
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 29th, 2005 - 02:58 am (Link)
not necessarilly. It depends on the state. As I understand it, in California, as the wife she is automatically entitled to half, no matter what the will says. In Texas, the will is the law. The courts I guess ruled they were Texas residents. Or something like that. The case is 10 years old, and I'm doing this from memory.
 

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