March 1st, 2006


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12:02 am - on Being Chris Maverick...

Being Chris Maverick
Originally uploaded by chrismaverick.
Note: Long time readers may find this image familiar. No, I didn't actually use this image before. I used the image that I made this image from in this post. That was just a throwaway though. This time it seems appropriate.

So I was watching the Inside the Actor's Sudio episode with Dave Chappelle (which if you haven't seen it, I must highly recommend it. I may have to get it downloaded off my TiVo and put onto a DVD or something). Anyway, during the commercials (even though we can fast forward through commercials, sometimes beststephi and I are too lazy to do so) there was an ad for the upcoming reality show called Blow Out 3.

Now I'm not the type to bash reality shows. They are what they are (sorry, max1975). I think they have their place in the world. I even quite enjoy watching some of them. But Blow Out 3? How in the name of Jigga does this exist? Someone somewhere not only decided that blow drying hair in a salon was interesting to warrant a television show, but they decided that said concept was exciting enough to justify not one, not two but three fucking seasons?!?!

I've said several times that I'd give anything to not have to work and be able to write full time. What kind of writing varies. I always wanted to be a novelist. It's what I primarilly studied at CMU. Lately however, I've been totally into this blogging thing. I have no idea how someone makes money blogging, but the second I figure it out, I'm in there. But now I'm thinking, WHY THE FUCK DON'T I HAVE A REALITY SHOW?

True story: brotherless_one and I actually invented the reality show back in 1990. I worked for the local public access television station, a gig I got as part of a class called "Telecommunications" that I took in high school. We had this great idea for a TV show that would feature people hanging out in my basement. It wasn't a talk show or comedy show like Wayne's World. No, it was just the real life story of shit that happens in my basemenet. Mostly a bunch of teenagers hanging out and talking about stupid shit. It would have been the best thing ever. Well, except that the idea fucking sucked and so it never went anywhere.

What an idiot I was. What I failed to realize at the time was that I'm a damn fascinating person. I could have struck gold there. I won't make that mistake again.

See now I realize how unbelievably fucking cool I am. And better late than never. So what I'm proposing is that from this point out my life be a reality show. Just think about it, every Thursday night in primetime we could watch me on TV. The wrestling shows, the photoshoots, the crazy parties, the all night orgies, exciting sessions of UI design at 2AM and all of that wrapped in my killer unbearable wit. I'm at least as interesting as fucking Bobby Brown.

And you can be a part of it! I need lovable supporting characters. And nasty ones too. What's a reality show without a snide bitchy villain girl or an amusing gay guy (you don't have to really be bitchy or gay, I can probably just create the impression later in the editting room)? And hey, if you don't want to be a part of the onscreen talent, no problem, I lead a busy life, not bound by a single studio or a Panamanian island, so I'm sure there'll always be room for an additional gaffer or grip. And catering, I defintely need catering. Being an huge sucessful reality star can make you very hungry.

So who wants to help? Anybody have any ideas for exciting theme episodes? Or maybe some kooky physical challenges the cast can partake in so as to win a tarp to hang over the shelter or whatever?

Also, I'll be needing seed money. So hey, throw me a couple bucks and I can hook you up with a producer credit.

Sure, this all sounds really silly. But can anyone honestly tell me that I'm not more interesting than a HOVAdamn hair salon?

(16 comments | Leave a comment)

 
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Comments:


[User Picture]From: ludimagist Date: March 1st, 2006 - 06:34 am (Link)
marsinthestars and I have confered and we are in.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: March 1st, 2006 - 02:53 pm (Link)
total coolness... you realize of course you're going to have to move to Pittsburgh. There's no way in hell I'm moving my show to you.

But hey, comeon up. We could put you up in the attic rooms and you could be our wacky boarders.
[User Picture]From: jetgrrl01 Date: March 1st, 2006 - 01:09 pm (Link)
Okay, I'll admit it. It's been on after either Queer Eye or Project Runway in the past and I've seen a total of about an episode and a half of it from catching the beginning over the course of the first season. It's totally NOT about the hair styling or place, it's about the conceited asshold Jonathan who is the owner of the salon. He's incredibly full of himself and rather like car wreck you can't look away from. And then sometimes he's actually a nice boss, so that makes it more "multifaceted". Of course not interesting enough for me to actually watch the show, but that's what I got out of the bits I've seen.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: March 1st, 2006 - 03:18 pm (Link)
ok I can grant that maybe the guy is an interesting character. But he's a frickin' hair dresser. How is being an interesting hair dresser more televisable than being an interesting UX Engineer/Writer/Prowrestler/would-be-billionaire-playboy? I mean sure, I get why people might want to watch Ozzy, Anna Nicole, Bonaduce or Bobby Brown. They were already famous, so there's at least a hook. But Jonathan the asshole hairdresser? Why not the exciting life Barry the prickish roofer or Jennifer the bitchy tax accountant?
[User Picture]From: jetgrrl01 Date: March 1st, 2006 - 03:21 pm (Link)
If you channel-surf to some of the other lesser cable channels, you'll find shows like that. :(

But yes, you would be a great reality tv character. :)
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: March 1st, 2006 - 05:08 pm (Link)
Steph made me send a tape to Big Brother a couple years ago, but I guess I didn't get picked.
[User Picture]From: ddk Date: March 1st, 2006 - 03:36 pm (Link)
A friend and I were talking about how we need to just get a camera and tape everything before and send out the tapes or make it an internet show cause we've had some pretty wacked out conversations that actually make sense and pretty damn funny too. You should go for it!

Actually when I read you said you invented reality shows it got me to thinking. I remember watching a show about the history of reality shows. And they date back further than 1990. I remember they said a show on PBS called American Family that showed a family struggling through a divorce and it was back in 78. The shit looked really interesting. So I took it to Wikipedia. There is an article claiming reality shows go as far back as 1950....which I never thought was possible. But, they state any show that was aired with "unscripted situations" is a reality show. Which I guess is true.

Check it out its a good read and it has a link for more information on American Family - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reality_shows
[User Picture]From: ddk Date: March 1st, 2006 - 03:38 pm (Link)
Reading the thing on American Family....it even had the stereotypical gay character! It is definitely a forfather to reality shows!
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: March 1st, 2006 - 05:12 pm (Link)
does it have a cunty bitch who uses her sex appeal to get what she wants from the stupider guys?
[User Picture]From: ddk Date: March 1st, 2006 - 05:41 pm (Link)
Not to my knowledge. But it was coming up on the 80s so there very well might have been. Maybe the mom?

I am trying to see if I can track down some episodes after I get off work later.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: March 2nd, 2006 - 12:38 am (Link)
If you do, you totally have to let me know how they are...
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: March 1st, 2006 - 05:12 pm (Link)
yeah, I actually pretty much consider any of the old PBS documentary series to be reality shows. But most of them really had a hook too. "This is what its like to be an eskimo," or whatever. Even Survivor and Apprentice and the like are essentially glorified game shows. But the Osbornes, Being Bobby Brown, Anna Nicole, Hefner's show, and Blow Out seem to essentially boil down to a show called "Hi, my name is Mav. I do stuff." And if that shows gonna exist, then I need to be on it.
[User Picture]From: avocado_tom Date: March 1st, 2006 - 05:45 pm (Link)
I'm in.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: March 2nd, 2006 - 12:38 am (Link)
so is there some way to get a camera crew to my house or do we have to strand ourselves on an island for 39 days or something?
[User Picture]From: avocado_tom Date: March 2nd, 2006 - 01:36 am (Link)
I think if we get some demo footage together - a pilot, if you will - we'll have a camera crew in no time.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: March 2nd, 2006 - 04:57 am (Link)
hmmm... so now we have to just not be lazy.
 

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