On begging for money...

It's been a long time since I actually put a blog post out here. I wonder if anyone is still paying attention. Only one way to find out.

So anyway, one of the things that's kept me away from the land of livejournal this last year is working on my comic strip. Cosmic Hellcats is a little project that max1975 and I started a couple years ago. We wrote and drew a comic book based on the fictional adventures of some real life models that I work with and published and sold it at Pittsburgh Comicon 2008. We had so much fun with it that we ended up continuing the comic as a web comic that we've been publishing online three days a week (Monday, Thursday and Saturday) ever since. We've amassed a little bit of a following.

Max and I decided to return to Pittsburgh Comicon this year with two additional books that collect year one and year two of the webcomic in an effort to promote year three. The only problem is, printing comics is expensive, and Max and I are but poor and humble starving artists. Even though we did pretty well with selling the book last time, the inital layout of money just to get it published is a serious pain.

So a friend of mine recommended we do a pledge drive. That's where kickstarter (the picture on this entry) came in. Basically we gave people a month to pledge to buy the book. If we hit our mark ($1200) then we'd have enough to do the entire print run and everyone who ordered through kickstarter would get their books. If we didn't hit the number, no one gets charged and Max and I cry ourselves to sleep like little girls. Well, it took us two weeks, but we hit the number, yay us.

But while the pledge drive was going on, Max and I went on and kept working on concepts. People became interested in the book, including more models I work with. So now I want to throw a little something extra into the mix. Another comic! One of the crazy exciting things about the comic we did in 2008 is that Max and I really worked around the clock to get it done. This time, we didn't have to do that. We had been working on it for the last two years. Well, leave it to me to foul that up.

I wrote two more comicbook short stories and I got in touch wtih another couple comic artist friends to draw them. (Max is overworked). We're going to try to publish ANOTHER brand new comic in time for comicon. This comic will not feature the Cosmic Hellcats themselves but will take place in the Hellcats Universe. It's going to feature the introduction of completely new characters who are going to be a big part of the Cosmic Hellcats strip over the next couple years.

So here's what I'm asking. If you like comics or if you just like me and/or Max or you just want to try something new, then go over to the Cosmic Hellcats Kickstarter page and pledge. You can pledge any amount from $1 on up, and every little bit helps. If you pledge $10 or more then we'll send you one of the comics. For $30, you'll get our special anthology trade paperback that includes both comics and other goodies. For more we'll send you poster and photos of the real life models or even original artwork from the strip.

As you see, the project is currently 100% funded because we hit the $1200 mark we needed to publish our initial books, but now we're working on publishing this extra book. If I can get an extra $500 (for $1700 total) by April 18th, then I will make sure everyone who pledged will get an additional free copy of the secret new book I'm working on with the other artists.

So If you have some money to spare, help us out, and if you don't, well, read the strip anyway.

And yeah, I promise that I'll try to write a real blog post soon. I've been working on a couple in my head lately anyway, actually.


Originally uploaded by chrismaverick.
I originally intended to rant this here, and reference it on my 365mav project. But as I was typing there, I ended up pretty much doing the entire rant. But it really belongs in my blog here. And thus the crosspost.

Welcome to Sexual Biology 101. I'm your instructor, Professor Maverick.

So ever since I decided to open Maverick's School for Wayward Girls, I've been meaning to work on exactly what curriculum I would teach there. I'd been too busy to work on it though.

Anyway, this weekend, my friend Amaya started tweeting her only little vagina monologue. I found it funny, and told Steph about it. This started Steph talking about one of her big pet peeves. Namely that people use the term "vagina" to refer to the entirety of the female genitalia as opposed to referring to the labia, clitoris, etc. by their separate and unique names.

I countered that the same is done with the penis. She claimed it was different, but I maintain that while perhaps not medically accurate, if I am referring to my penis, I generally intend for that to cover the inclusion of my testicles and scrotum as well.

But she's right. It's medically incorrect. But I'm not a medical doctor. I'm a doctor of pimpology, and I believe that generalized sexual terms are necessary.

I proposed to Steph that while the medical terms might be more specific, certainly colloquial slang is more generalized. As such, I argued that the term "pussy" for instance might be more inclusive.

I actually expected her to counter that pussy was equivalent to vagina, but she surprised me arguing that pussy meant the external naughty bits. The labia and clitoris.

I argue that this can't be. In the name of scientific study, take the following colloquial exclamation that might be uttered by one experimental female subject:

"Fuck my tight pussy with your rock hard cock, you son of a bitch!"

I'd argue that the woman speaking that phrase isn't looking for a penis to be rammed into her labia, or even the clitoris, but is looking for deeper penetration along the vaginal canal. Conversely, if the subject had proclaimed:

"Lick that pussy until I cum, you filthy bastard!"

I'd argue that she is referencing her external genitalia and not in fact asking for that same vaginal canal to be massaged orally.

Along the same token, while I believe that a male subject might generally be referencing the shaft and glans of penis, as in the following pejorative:

"Take that cock deep inside of you, you dirty whore!"

I'd argue that in some cases he might be referring to a larger portion of his anatomy for instance if he were to offer the following instruction to his mate:

"Squeeze and lick that cock all over, you gorgeous and yet intelligent and capable woman!"

One might assume he is asking for attention to also be paid to the scrotum and perhaps perineum as well.

Obviously, we can't simply resort to clinical definition during reproductive intercourse. Imagine the phrase:

"Ejaculate your seminal fluid into my ectocervix, you virile male gendered homosapien. My portio vaginalis hungers for your spermatozoa."

Our species would be extinct within a generation.

So what I'm wondering is how do other people use the terms. Do you expect vagina, penis, pussy, cock, dick, cunt, manroot, lady business, peepee and hoohoo to be medical specifics or more generalized areas. Does it vary from slang term to slang term?

And most importantly, was anyone actually turned on by my clinical dirty talk?

to jam or not to jam that is the question...

Gladstone Ruckus
at the Pimp Plaza - Jammy Jam 2K6
It's that time again.

Jammy Jam is nigh. Well, pretty nigh anyway. My birthday is August 1st, and since that's a Saturday, I figure that I should actually have Jammy Jam on that day this year.

The problem is I haven't been planning it. Like at all. In the last several years, it's been a huge party. Bands, beer pong, prizes, costume contests, kissing contests, stripper poles, clothing optional hottubing. It's been nuts but it's been a lot of fun.

In the past I've always planned it as best I could but also flown by the seat of my pants a little. That has it's good points and it's bad. But this year I haven't really been talking to anyone about it, at least not until yesterday when I talked to a few people about it. I don't know who's planning on coming. I don't know if people are coming in from out of town. I don't have any bands lined up. I haven't bought prizes or even planned my outfits. There is so much to do.

Don't get me wrong. I love it. I just don't want to go through the trouble if no one cares. (I really hope you do)

So now I'm trying to decide what I should do for my birthday. Should I go all out like the last couple years and have bands and such? Should I get karaoke? Should I go lower key like my other parties and just do prizes? Should I dump the jammies and lingerie aspect altogether and just throw a big naked orgy? Should I become all grown up and sophisitcated and have some sort of tea and crumpet soiree of some sort. Or maybe wine and cheese?

Who's interested in coming? Does anyone have a band that would be interested in playing in my basement for free beer? Anyone have good prize suggestions. Let me know.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

Originally uploaded by chrismaverick.
Saw Watchmen tonight. I had intended to review it here and then link to it from my 365 project, but I ended up pretty much saying everything I wanted over there. So I figured I'd just copy it here.

I'm going to try very hard not to leave spoilers here.

So today should be a happy day. I've been waiting for a Watchmen movie for the better part of my life. Today that dream came true.

Sometimes dreams should just be dreams.

It certainly wasn't the worst movie ever. In fact, I had intentionally kept my expectations low. I'm quite capable of doing that.

Don't get me wrong, even though I was keeping my expectations low, I really really wanted it to be a good movie. And it had it's moments. I certainly didn't expect it to be as ground breaking and medium changing as the comic was. But I wanted to enjoy it, and there were even things I did enjoy. But there was just too much.

The problem with most adaptations, comic books or otherwise, is that they deviate too far from the source material and they piss off the fans. A lot has been made of the ending to Watchmen being changed. I didn't really care much for the new ending but that wasn't that big a deal. Beyond that, they tried to be "faithful" to the book. To make sure they got every detail in that fans would be looking for.

They should have cut more.

The major text of Watchmen is 384 pages long. To accurately portray it on screen in a minute for minute translation, I'd estimate it'd run about 6 and a half hours or so. Undoable. So they cut it down. Removed all the minor characters. Removed a lot of the minor subplots, and tried to just hit all the major beats that made the story great.

Except, those major moments, while memorable were all very carefully crafted by Alan Moore (the original writer) to tie together all those minor subplots. By breezing through them we ended up with a lot of details that really go nowhere. There are details that occur that while they may look cool don't have any setup because the subtle foreshadowing earlier in the story simply isn't present. There are enough Chekov's guns in the movie to arm a small army.

What this means is we have a movie nearly three hours long that is paced incredibly poorly. Sure it was fun, but it wasn't good. A good adaptation makes me go "wow, that's awesome, I have to read the original book and see what that was like." Watchmen didn't do that. If I had never read the book, and I saw the film and knew everyone loved the book, I'd say "eh, I guess that was ok for a comic book movie, but really, what's all the fuss?"

That's the big issue. There's little ones too. Stylistic problems I had with the cinematography, costuming and special effects. Stylistically, I want Watchmen to be somewhere along the vein of the Dark Knight. Instead, I felt like I got Batman Forever. This is not a good thing. I mean, I guess it's fine, but I don't want to laugh at Watchmen (and make no mistake I was laughing AT it, not WITH it). I want to be engrossed by it. I wasn't. In fact, I really think that if I wasn't already a fan, and wanted to give it a chance I would have been even more annoyed than I am.

Is it worth seeing, I guess. And it's unreasonable to expect it to be as meaningful as the book, so I really worked on convincing myself that it wouldn't be. But I hoped to be pleasantly surprised. And while I certainly didn't expect it to be the best superhero movie ever, I really did think it'd probably be the best one of the year.

But honestly, at this point I can easily see the Wolverine movie or the GI Joe movie blowing it out of the water.
South Park

Hotness Conversion Chart

Hotness Conversion Chart
Originally uploaded by chrismaverick.
Back in the early nineties, my friend jameel became frustrated with the commonly accepted Scale of Babes.

As a standard, men tend to rank women on a scale of 1 to 10. However this system is innately flawed because it doesn't allow proper granularity to really objectify a babe.

Jameel thus came up with the "halle" system. Theorizing at the time that Halle Berry was the sexiest woman alive, Jameel realized that if you were to divide her base attractiveness by a factor of 1000, you could come up with a standard unit, the millihalle(mh) which could then be used to more accurately score the attractiveness of any woman.

Of course Jameel's standard theory had the problem that one had to accept that 100% sexiness was equivalent to Halle Berry. I soon expanded upon the theory by postulating that a woman could theoretically score greater than 1000mh and remain on the scale. This yard stick served us well for many years.

However earlier today, Jameel came to me with the problem that he felt the scale was inefficient because there were now women walking the planet who far outranked Halle. Such as Rihanna, who I would estimate at a measure of approximately 5000mh. While this number is certainly still finite and measureable, it clearly creates a problem as it becomes difficult to plot Rihanna, Halle and mere mortal women on the same chart. Clearly the system needed to be rethought. We decided that perhaps moving to a logarithmic scale might make more sense.

I therefore spent this evening doing a lot of math. In the years since high school i had determined that advanced math is actually pretty useless in every day life. Today, I discovered not so much. What I've determined is that while the halle scale is still useful to rank women of relative similar attracitveness at any point along the spectrum, it fails for looking at the spectrum as a whole. This is where the Hawt(H) scale comes into play. Like the Bel, a Hawt can be defined as a logarithmic measure that describes the ∆ between two points along the scale. Hawts are a base 2 logarithmic measure. So someone who scores 10H is half as attractive as someone who ranks 11H. This measure of course loses the granularity that made the halle scale useful. i have solved this problem by introducing the deciHawt(dH), which as the name suggests is equivalent to 1/10 of a Hawt.

While it remains easy to measure an individual in a linear matter in the lack of any other individual to compare against, using the mH, the dH allows you to estimate the rest of the scale with relative ease, given a known value for any other person on the scale. It works like this.

dH = 10 log2(mh)

Thus 1000mh is conveniently approximately equal to 100dH (actually, 99.6658dH). Shakira, who is twice as hot as Halle Berry ranks in at 110dH (around 2048mh) and Rihanna at five times as hot scores around 123dH (5042mh), and yet, your average completely unassuming but reasonably attractive woman who would score in the 65mh range (and therefore prohibitively far from the Halle, Shakira, Rihanna end of the scale for graphing) can be represented with a perfectly reasonable 60dH.

The scale is effectively infinite,but allows for much greater precision within the normal human range of attractiveness. Around 130dH (9000mh) the meaningfulness of hotness is basically lost on the human mind. And yet, a theoretical woman 1000 times as hot as Halle Berry and essentially inconceivable in a linear scale, ranks in at almost exactly 200dH.

So there you go. Print this out, study it, keep a copy in your wallet.

Whoever said that science couldn't change the world?

Crossposted to my Flickr stream.


on daisy dukes and badonkadonks...

Jessica Simpson through the years
(compliments of US magazine)
So in case you haven't heard, Jessica Simpson is fat now. I know a lot of people probably wouldn't consider her fat, but by presidential decree, she's fat.

So, this weekend I caught one of the tabloid shows, I think it was called something like Inside Extra Access Tonight or something like that, and they just made this huge deal of Obama calling Jessica fat. I think it's funny of course, because he really didn't, he was just stating what was on the cover of the magazine. But contrary to what some Obama apologists are saying he was making a joke at her expense.

And contrary to what Simpson apologists might say, she is fat. Is she humongous? No. And the tabloid show interviewed a string of other celebs who gave the whole schpiel about how beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes, blah blah blah. And they did the whole riff on the problem with Hollywood is that it make regular women think they have to look like a magazine cover and bravo for Jessica Simpson for breaking that trend and being comfortable.

Let me clue you in on something. Jessica Simpson isn't a regular woman. Regular women have jobs and IQs over 14. Jessica Simpson is famous for two reasons, and neither of them are her singing or acting ability. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say she can't sing. I actually think she's a surprisingly decent singer. But I'm not really a fan, per se. No one is. Singing brought her to the dance, yeah. But it's her tits that made her homecoming queen.

Jessica Simpson's job is to be superhot. That's what she does for a living. A normal woman can look great being a size 12 (what she reportedly is right now, which honestly is by no means obese or anything), but her job is to be a size 2, which is what she was not very long ago. And when you gain that kind of weight, especially when you started off that small, well, that's called getting fat.

And Jessica is not ok with it. Don't fool yourself. People who are ok with criticism don't launch into speeches on stage about how they have the love of their life and that person makes them feel beautiful and so does God and God is all that matters, etc., etc., etc. People who are ok with their weight don't suddenly bust out the the Daisy Dukes after 4 years, but cut a longer pair than they've ever worn before and take to baggy t-shirts. That's not feeling "ok with it."

Trust me, I'm fat right now. I mean, I'm skinnier than a lot of people I know who I wouldn't really consider fat, but I'm not comparing myself to them. I'm comparing myself to what I looked like when I was in shape and I don't look like that right now. So I need to lose weight to get back there. And until I do, I wear shirts in the wrestling ring. That's all I'm saying.

So yeah, while I commend all you Hollywood types for coming to Jessica's defense, (Carmen Electra, Ashlee Simpson, Kim Kardashian, and Heidi Klum), give me a fucking break. I don't see any of you going up five dress sizes in a year.

So in closing, yes... she's fat. The president says so. And whatever the president says goes. Jessica Simpson is fat. Blowjobs don't count as sexual relations. Mission Accomplished.

on commemorative plates and shooting a man for snoring too loud...

Originally uploaded by chrismaverick.
Felt like ranting a little, and decided that this would be worth sharing not only with the livejournal world but also with my 365 self-portrait fans, since I was devoting my picture to it. So check over there if you want to see what livejournal people are saying on the subject.

Steph and I were watching TV tonight and there was a commercial that I took note of. It was a commercial for the Commemorative Barack Obama Historic Victory plate. Because of the unprecedented demand they are expecting orders of this historic heirloom from the American Historic Society to be SO HIGH, they are limiting orders to no more than TWO PER HOUSEHOLD! So like order yours now and everything.

Excuse me for a moment, while I go outside...


Ahem... Excuse me. Sorry about that, I'm back now.

Ok, I get that there are Obama fans out there. Really, first black president, it is pretty historic. Totally, get that. And seriously, I'm the last person to disparage anyone for wasting their money on stupid crap. I spend tons of money on tons of stupid crap. But seriously, who the fuck buys this shit?

I mean, this isn't the first time I've seen a commercial like this of course, there's always been random plates, coins and chess sets made to celebrate the birth of the nation, the civil war, space shuttle explosions, planes flying into skyscrapers and whatever. They've always been there. I'm 34 years old, and if it's not obvious, I've watched like a LOT of TV in my life. I've seen these commercials a million times over the years, but I've never bought a single commemorative plate.

I know lots of people. People from all walks of life. I have friends who are lawyers and friends who are cab drivers. I know millionaires and welfare moms. I have friends and family who are christians, jews, muslims, buddhists, pagans, wiccans and atheists. I've been in apartments and farm houses. Mansions and the projects. I have wined and dined with kings and queens and slept in alleys and dined on pork and beans (thanks, Dusty). But I have never ever EVER seen anyone who owned one of these plates. Not EVER!!!

And yet, somehow the Franklin Mint remains in business to this day! It just doesn't make any sense.

The real shame of it is that they still make this crap and yet they don't offer the TimeLife series of books anymore. How will younger generations learn of John Wesley Hardin and how he once shot a man for snoring too loud.

So who the hell buys these things? Do you know anyone who owns one? If so what plate? And it doesn't just have to be plates. Do you know anyone who owns the coins or chess sets? And if you do, please send them my way and let them know that I am now offering the commemorative edition Chris Maverick Infinity plate. I'm accepting pre-orders today for only $19.95. Each plate is hand crafted and comes with an authentic signed certificate of authenticity. Get one now and pass them along as family heirlooms. Be a part of history today!

Run Juice, Run!!!!

OJ Simpson
The Juice is UNloose!
Kind of amazing, huh? I'm posting two blog-rants in less than 24 hours. There was a time when I posted here each and every day, but these days i center so much on other projects that I'm lucky to post here once a month. That said, I talked about pop culture earlier, and I thought I told an interesting story, so check it out.

Now to the issue at hand. OJ Simpson was sentenced yesterday for his conviction on theft charges. Believe it or not, despite my stance on OJ the murderer, I'm actually ok with the current verdict. Why? Because I actually believe that the two offenses are completely separate and one should have no bearing on the other. Did the Juice break into a building and try to steal some shit? Yes. That's the end of that story. And if that's a crime then let him be punished.

But my problem right now is with the sentencing. The judge yesterday stated that she was sentencing on this crime and this crime alone. Any previous occurrances would have no bearing whatsoever on her decision. She then issued a 33 year sentence for what is essentially a first offense robbery charge. 33 years to a man that by all accounts wasn't even the gunman in the offense. 33 years to a man who by all accounts was robbing from thieves. 33 years to a man who is 61 years old. Effectively a life sentence... for robbery. BULLSHIT!!!

In the hood, if someone steals your shit and you know who has it, you know what yo do? You go and take it back. That's what you do. That's what anyone would do. If you want to argue it's wrong, fine. But seriously 33 years?

SNL made the joke at the beginning of this trial that he was "being tried for armed robbery, but really the murder of 2 people." That is what's happening here. And that is wrong.

I know this isn't going to be popular. beststephi has frequently said about my OJ rants, that "good, I can't feel sorry for that man." But see that's the problem. You should feel sorry for OJ. The man is being railroaded., The justice system only works if it is a system. If it is fair. Lets say OJ did skate on murder charges. Lets say he's a huge asshole who killed his ex-wife and her boyfriend. Let's say he then spent 13 years openly bragging about it and generally being an asshole. Let's say all of that happened. You know what, the justice system should still protect him. The justice system has not protected him here. Not only was the justice system unable to protect him from the initial theft, but it has punished him, and excessively so, for protecting his own interests.

I get it, I know people don't like OJ. I know most people believe he skated on the earier charges. But you know what? None of that should matter. The LA Times should not have a headline that OJ FINALLY goes to jail. And if this is really about justice being served on this particular case then why the fuck is the first person who is interviewed outside of the courtroom by the media Fred Goldman? Fred Goldman is a self-righteous, greedy, opportunistic piece of shit, and what's worse, he's a piece of shit that has absolutely NOTHING to do with this case. Honestly, he really didn't have anything to do with the first OJ case other than inserting himself for his own personal gain. And yet, in this case he's the first person the news goes to when the sentence is read. "Finally," he says, "that S.O.B. is off the streets." Gee Fred, I hope you sleep easier now. I know I do. I feel so much safer knowing that OJ isn't out there prowling the streets murdering people. How did we make it through the last 13 years.

The purpose of the justice system is to protect the people. It is not about revenge. It is not about vengeance. It's about JUSTICE. Or at least its supposed to be. And justice was not served here. The second we start being happy about making an exception because "well, its OJ and he should have gone down 13 years ago" is the second we all lose.

Would it matter if he wasn't black? Would any of this be an issue? I have never for one second believed in Bobby Blake's innocence. Not for a second. And Blake also got off. And you know what happened then? Blake went away. The media just forgot about him. They let him go. Nobody says anything about him and we never see him. In OJs case, people like to blame him for not "going away" but you know what? OJ TRIED to go away. He retired, he moved. He tried to spend the rest of his life in obscurity and Fred Goldman and the media followed him. Yes, OJ became a tabloid magnet, but he didn't really try to be. People always blame him for that, but really, what did he do? He tried to live his life, play golf and hang out with his friends and family. OJ didn't go out clubbing. He didn't hold press conferences. It was the world that wouldn't let OJ go.

I think the world likes to punish black atheletes. Plaxico Burress is an idiot, but does he really deserved three years on an expired permit charge? I mean really? Michael Vick? Dog fighting charges? Ok, it was gross and disgusting and maybe even evil, but people behave as though Vick is the antichrist. The worst human being to walk the earth since... well, since OJ. And what did he do? He did mean things to dogs. Things that in some circles are considered normal. Am I saying it's right? No, its wrong. But it's also excessive.

So yeah, OJ is in jail now. I hope last night everyone was able to sleep easier last night without the spectre of Simpson hanging over our heads. I hope the world has changed to a happy place where birds sing and flowers bloom. Rainbows are flooding the sky. Woohoo. I for one weep for the obvious suspension of our legals system just to appease the bloodlust of the masses.

on HOVA, hooks and hip-hop princesses...

Yep, I'd chop off my arm to hit that...
I haven't really talked about pop culture in a while. I just hadn't really had anything to say. But I've been thinking about something weird the last couple days and thought I'd just rant about it here a little here and see other people's input on the subject.

Have you ever noticed that at any given time there is only one crown princess of hip-hop? Sure, there's lots of female rappers, but that's not really what I mean. In the beginning, back in the day, in the before time, in the long long ago, there was Michel'le. Michel'le was part of the World Class Wreckin' Cru. And by part of, I mean she was fucking Dr. Dre, and someone was like "Dayumm! Dre's girl is hot and can sing, someone should get her to do hooks on this song" and they gave her four lines to repeat over and over again and then had her standing around looking all hot and stuff.

Before you turn off the lights let's get one thing understood
If you plan to make love to me you've got to do it good
Cuz I'm a hell of a woman and for me it takes a hell of man
So don't you dare turn off the lights unless this you understand

It was lightning in a bottle. But much like Dre frequently is, The WCWC was WAY ahead of it's time. Nothing really came of it. Sure there were females in the rap game. You had your Salt-N-Pepa, your MC Lyte, even your Roxanne Shanté, but they were all actually rappers. Then you had your female acts tangentially related to hip-hop: En Vogue, Nia Peeples, Pebbles. But they were more just R&B singers who happened to hang out with Rappers.

And then came Aaliyah. It is my sincere belief that God so loved the world that he saw fit to take the very concept of sexiness and pour it into the fleshbound vessel of a 15 year old girl, whom he allowed to walk the earth. The idea of the hip-hop princess was born.

Hip-Hop had long played with fusion between itself and other music styles, not only with the World Class Wreckin' Cru, but you had the likes of Run-DMC and Aerosmith teaming up. Salt-N-Pepa and En Vogue. Public Enemy and Anthrax. But now, in this earthbound angel, you had the genesis for what would become the standard of the musical style. Get a talented (or at least semi-talented) rapper to spit some rhymes and then toss in hooks by a sexy soul singer. Like I said, lightning in a bottle. And as all of the predictions of the great prophet Phil Spector would come to pass, God is a young black girl who can sing.

Like all messiahs, Aaliyah's time on this earth was very brief and seven years later she was dead. But she made way for others, mere mortals who would fill her void.

In her wake came Brandy, but Brandy didn't have street cred, so she was replaced by Monica. Monica was here for but a cup of coffee and she was in turn replaced by Mýa. Mýa probably could have done ok with her career, but the mighty juggernaut that is Jennifer Lopez decided she was "street" so she changed her named to J-Lo, started using the word "nigga" and took the spot. J-Lo then decided she didn't want to be street anymore and turned her attention to acting (and later back to other non-hip-hop music styles) which left a void. That void would be immediately filled by Ashanti, who actually coined the term "Princess of Hip-Hop" for herself, coronation in the A-T-L and all. The problem was Ashanti, while hot was quite negroid in appearance and so her spot was usurped by Christina Milian, who was just as good a singer and 10 times sexier and more marketable to a caucasian audience. The people being fickle as they are, Milian's album falls from the charts and she was in turn replaced by Ciara. Ciara takes up the baton and runs with it, but then like J-Lo before her, the machine that is Beyoncé simply decides one day that she is the new hip-hop princess and Ciara is banished to obscurity. Again, like J-Lo, Beyoncé bores of the role and looks for more interesting solo opportunities than just singing hooks. Furthermore she decides to get involved with Jay-Z, who secretly is actually the current living avatar of God(-MC) himself. HOVA so loved the world that upon taking Beyoncé for himself, he saw fit to give us a new messiah, and once again took sexiness and made it incarnate and set it upon the earth in a teenaged female form, and thus the world was given Rihanna.


So anyway, my point is, given the popularity of the style, sexy female hooks over street gangsta hip-hop verses, you'd think there'd be a huge market for hook singers. There have always been duets with hot female singers. Everyone from Diana Ross to Britney Spears. From Dolly Parton to Whitney Houston. But in other music styles, any number of females singers can be in demand at one time. Indeed, others like Missy Elliot, Faith Evans, Mary J Blige and even Mariah Carey have attempted to kind of horn in on the action. But it never really works out. They all do better as solo artists, and none of them have ever been as ubiquitous as the princesses I mentioned above. There's even been situations where you'd have a Pop or R&B artist who'd bring a rapper in to spit a verse in the middle of the song. This was the whole base formula behind using the Left-Eye in TLC.

But I find the whole hip-hop princess thing curious. I dunno why, but somehow the fact that there is only one at any given time just makes it seem more magical. That and I'm pretty sure that the tears of Rihanna can actually cure disease.

So does anyone have any idea why that is? Also, jameel and I were talking about all this yesterday, and I think I've been able to trace the entire lineage back as far as it goes, but did I miss anyone? Did it not really originate with Aaliyah? And does this phenomenon happen in any other music style? Or for that matter any other art style at all?

on how Obama ruined my gay wedding...

Day 281: Wishful Thoughts.
Originally uploaded by SaylaMarz.
I had it all figured out. It was very simple really. First I was going to get a sex change. Then once I was a girl I was going to move to San Francisco and become a lesbian. Then I was going to convince my friend, see_me_naked, aka Sayla Marz, aka Brigid, to come there and marry me. We'd be one big happy lesbian family with tons of little lesbian kids running around (I could freeze my sperm before the operation). What could be better than that?

Only then Prop 8 passed and ruined all my plans. Now I'm just going to have to stay a dude. Sorry Brigid.

Actually, Brigid and I had been talking about Prop 8 a lot the last couple weeks before the election. She has this whole vested interest in it what with being one of them there gays and all.

I didn't really say it, but I was pretty sure that Prop 8 would pass right from the beginning. Actually, to be honest, I'm amazed it came as close to being voted down as it did.

Brigid said something to me the night after the election. She couldn't believe that in a world that's come so far as to finally elect a black president, people could still be so hateful and vindictive as to deny the basic civil right of being able to love another person. I've heard similar arguments from other friends, both straight and gay alike over the last couple days. So I've been sitting around and kind of thinking about it and trying to sort my feelings out about it.

I think I've made my feelings on gay marriage pretty clear. My personal plan was to make an amendment not only abolishing gay marriage, but the whole legal definition of marriage, period. From then on, marriage would be an entirely socio-religious concept and the state would ONLY support civil unions. But I'm a visionary like that.

But most of the world isn't full of free thinking, Jay-Z worshiping, dark-skinned Chinamen like myself. If it were, gay marriage wouldn't be an issue. Nor would racism, illegal drugs, or prostitution. One day, I'll be in charge of the world, and like the great Victor von Doom, I will rule with a firm but fair iron fist, and turn this world into a utopia heretofore unimagined by man. And you will all love it, under penalty of death.

Anyway, as I was telling Brigid, the problem with Prop 8 is it really is what the people want. If you're an alien who comes down from space and moves in with me for a month to learn about the human race, you'd probably come to believe that we're a bunch of sexually uninhibited, hedonistic, morally blurry, atheistic liberals who like to smoke pot in between bisexual orgies and the resulting abortions. But in real life that's not the case. In real life, humans are pretty much self-righteous, selfish, shortsighted pricks. People don't like that which that they don't understand. They fight to maintain the status quo.

Racism didn't just go away. We didn't just happen upon a black president. It took 100 years to get from the freeing of the slaves to the civil rights march on Washington DC. And it took another 45 after that to elect a black president. And you know what? This country is still full of a bunch of racist fucks. Change is slow.

And that's just the thing. Homosexuality has been around since forever. And yeah, gays have been oppressed forever. But really, I'd argue that homosexuality has only been mainstream for about a decade or so, and then only barely. You can't short circuit change. Will the gays get there? Sure, but it's not going to happen over night, and it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better. As sad and awful as it sounds to say, you don't get a Barack Obama in the White House without stepping over the bridge built by the bullet riddled bodies of Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X along the way.

This country just isn't ready for gay marriage yet. And it can't be forced down the country's throat. That just breeds resentment and makes it worse. Of course it needs to happen, because without that resentment the change will never come.

But it's going to be a long slow road. You want proof?

You want to know what helped Obama win? Black people. By all accounts black people came out in record numbers to vote for the black guy. And it worked. It put the black guy over the top. BUT, if you look at the California exit polls you'll see something interesting. 70% of those black people also voted for Prop 8. Why? Because niggers hate faggots.

Ironic, isn't it?

But like I said, people fucking suck.

People will fight this. And well they should. Change will never come if they don't. But it's not going to be an easy fight, and I firmly believe that the wrong battle is being fought. The problem with fighting for equality, the problem with the argument "I'm just like you" is that the truth is, you're not. All people are different, and differences are ok. Trying to say that a gay marriage is just like a hetero one is a losing battle, because there's always going to be obvious differences. What really needs to happen is the world needs to realize that a gay marriage, while different is still a valid institution. And that won't happen without a change of attack. And even then, it won't happen overnight.

Unless we elect me ruler....

Under penalty of death.