So, I actually very much liked the winning ad in MoveOn.org’s Bush In 30 Seconds contest. In fact, it was my favorite. In fact, all of the winning ads in all the categories were the ones that I voted for. See, I’m all keyed in that way. I have my fingers on pulse of the nation. I’m all hip and shit, as the kids say. So I actually like MoveOn.org. Or I at least tend to respect them most of the time. But that’s becoming harder and harder as the website acts more and more like FUCKING MORONS!
Ok, for those who don’t know, MoveOn had a contest on the net for someone to produce a 30 second anti-Bush political ad. Then when the contest was over, they had a pledge drive. And then they intended to use that money to buy thirty seconds of SuperBowl commercial airtime. Only they didn’t take into account that CBS might say no. So then they got all pissy about it. Now they keep sending me (well, their entire mailing list) mail asking us to protest because CBS is clearly in bed with the GOP, otherwise they’d air the ad. In the most recent piece of spam, they go so far as to claim that they have a right to air it because the airwaves are public. ARRRGGGHHH!!! That’s not what fucking public airwaves mean! If that were the case, it would be illegal to charge for commercial broadcasts. And they know this.
Anyway, what they don’t seem to understand (or likely do understand but are ignoring because it suits their political agenda to do so) is those parts of the Federal Communication Commission Public Airwaves Act mandates that political broadcasts be given equal airtime. Actually, they do understand this, as they are arguing that CBS intends to air “the Whitehouse ad” while not airing theirs, but as I understand it, “the Whitehouse ad” isn’t actually a campaign spot, but instead an anti-drug thing. Also, they aren’t in direct opposition to the Republicans or Whitehouse (even though they may fancy themselves so) so they don’t necessarily get to benefit from equal time even if the Whitehouse’s ad were a campaign ad. Moreover, technically CBS would be forced to show political ads for a conservative lobbyist group as all. And really, I don’t blame them. If it I were in charge, I’d want no fucking part of any of it. It’s fucking football people! Politics should not be a part of it. Football commercials should either be funny, or they perpetuate the myth that if we go out and get absolutely fucking plastered that we’ll get a shot bedding a couple of well endowed twins. You know, the American dream. MoveOn is also pointing out that CBS is refusing to air PETA’s ad, implying that this is again some vast conspiracy of the conservative media empire. Don’t get me wrong, I like looking at slaughtered foxes and Dominique Swain’s supple naked ass as much as the next guy, but as I said, message has no place in football, unless it’s the message that we can rip peoples heads off, get drunk and fuck twins.
The message here is that liberals are just as fucking annoying about their agendas ass conservatives. Sometimes even more so. At least a gun lovin’, tobaccy chewing maniac knows his place. Heston might have held a gun ralley in Columbine, but he knew damn well not to try to interrupt the Superbowl with that nonsense. Of course, you have to be fair. Charlton Heston is Moses, so he’s all wise and shit.
I guess the reason it really bothers me is that I want to like MoveOn.org. I really did like their ad a whole lot. And hell, if anyone wants to rile the public up against the established administration, then hell, I’m all for it (as a side note, I don’t necessarily mean just the Bush or Republican administrations. I’m all for riling up against the democrats too. I’m all anarchistic and nihilistic and stuff that way. Well, all except Clinton. I liked Clinton. He was all with the cigar smoking, hamburger eating, saxophone playing, pot smoking and blowjobs and stuff, and that’s the kind of president that I can get behind. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to advocate drugs, marital infidelity or saxophone playing or anything else sinful like that, but damn that guy was smooth!). It’s just that I don’t like when people try to get all soapboxy around my football. Tis nothing sacred to you people? Can’t you go and protest your message during something less important but almost as popular like Survivor or the Oscars or the series finale to Friends or something? Hell, if you want to be really ballsy, you can make an anti-Bush commercial to air directly following his next inauguration. I mean, lets just face facts and accept the fact that he’s going to win again. He’s going to be president for four more years. Like it or hate it, doesn’t matter. Learn to live with it, cuz that’s how its going to be. But once we accept it, we can get a jump on all the political smearing in the media. We could be producing anti Bush ads right now! And they’d be ready to air by the time he’s ready to extend his oath of office. Just picture this: January 20th, 2005. MoveOn.org could buy some commercial time for right after the Inaugural speech. Like maybe during the ball or something.Wouldn’t that be fucking awesome? He’d finish up the oath, then he’d go off and utter a few standard empty words of rhetoric about NU-KU-LAR weapons of mass destruction and consequences and repercussions and enduring freedom and TERR-ISTS and Osama and Saddam and don’t mess with Texas and then the screen would fade to black and then the words “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?” would just sit on the screen for thirty seconds before fading out? That would rule.
EDIT: Not part of my 1000 words. But really, the PETA ad really is very funny so check it out. Also the 60 second director's cut version...