September 14th, 2004

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01:57 am - on unfinished untitled works...

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on unfinished untitled works... - graffiti.maverick — LiveJournal

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[User Picture]From: kissmary Date: September 14th, 2004 - 07:13 am (Link)
This definitely has the feel of a short story. What could happen with K, Jamie and Rick that would make it longer? Good attention to details, like Jamie's hair, her eyes. But how does he know what French roast coffee in particular smells like?

And Rick. Where is he? Was he at the party? Would Jamie really assume that K knew what happened between them, when she saw the terrible shape he was in after drinking so much?

I can really tell the difference between the thoughts of the drunk K and the still hungover-but-more-coherent K.

What's going to happen at work on Monday? How old are these people?

Those are just my initial thoughts and questions after one read. I'll go over it again later and see if there are any particulars you should look at. You are a good writer, as I've seen with Jack's Place. I don't want to give you comments on that until I've finished the whole thing. Maybe the things I had questions about or problems with are resolved in the rest of what you have written.

Keep writing, though. I like what I see.

[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 14th, 2004 - 10:43 am (Link)
I'm still not sure on length. I'm feeling like its a short novel, mostly based on the pacing that I have been using so far. But we'll see how much story I have to tell and how it all unfolds. I still haven't figured everything out yet.

Different coffees have different smells. I was under the impression that if one were a big enough coffee snob, one could tell the scents apart. Hmmm, is this too hard to buy? Is it distracting? Its intended to just hint at a little piece of his personality. The same kind of precision that he purposefully injects into describing Jamie's appearance. He notices that detail in everything. Or at least many things.

Yeah, I wanted K to sound different as a drunken asshole than he does as a sober asshole, but still to be basically the same person. So you definitely noticed the difference, but does it work? Is it too much? Not enough?

Work on Monday is coming up in the next chapter, I think.

What do you think about the characters so far? Who do you like and not like? Believe and not believe. Are you interested in their stories?

Thanx for the compliments. Depending on the questions you have in Jack's Place, some are probably answered and some I probably never even got around to. There are probably also come continuity conflicts still because I've been writing and revising it for so many years. Really looking forward to seeing what you think about that one.

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