On a day when I can't find peanut butter cups, I can get by with only a moderate loss of sanity by substituting a simple hershey bar or some other chocolate candy bar.
A week or two ago, the evil vending machine guy removed all the peanut butter cups from our office vending machine and replaced them Reese's Pieces. A candy which as far as I can tell not one person in my office has ever bought out of the machine. Clearly he did this but for one reason. To toy with my emotions. He wanted to watch me squirm. But it was ok. I am a mature adult. I am fully capable of going to the larger vending machine downstairs to get my fix. If nothing else I pass by the new cute receptionists at the company downstairs who smile at me on my way and add the tiniest bit of sunshine to my otherwise dreary and lackluster existence.
Only today, that has all change. For the vending machine guy is on to me, and has replaced the peanut butter cups downstairs with reese's pieces as well. And he has removed the chocolate bars. Who the hell ever heard of a building with two candy vending machines neither of which stocks a simple chocolate bar.
And that is why everyone must die. Please understand, its nothing personal against any of the lovely people I work with. It is not a clever ploy to win the affections of Jodie Foster. It is not my attempt to strike out a Jihad against the American infidels. Make no mistake, today, everyone in this building is going to die simply because the guy who stocks the vending machine is an asshole.
And I am justified...
