September 23rd, 2005


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12:59 am - 1KWFFH: on pot, PSAs, and psycho pussycats...

Down and Out 2
Originally uploaded by chrismaverick.
So, I mentioned a couple days ago, that I had a 1KWFFH floating around in my head, and I decided tonight would be a good night to actually just get it out on the page now. It's something that has been buzzing around for a bit and it gets stronger everytime I watch TV or listen to the radio and a PSA address drinking and drugs. This one might be interesting because not only do I have both "grown-ups" and underaged people that these ads are supposedly aimed at, but I apparently I have a few dedicated straight edgers reading this now to go with the usual suspects of hardcore drunks (hey avocado_tom, how's it going). So here I go, addressing it in a little piece that I like to call 1000 words of free flowing hostility

On pot, PSAs, and psycho pussycats...

So lately and I’ve really been noticing a disturbing trend in TV and radio commercials. It’s kind of weird. In this day of DVR and TiVo, you’d think that I’d just skip all of the commercials. I mean, I timeshift both TV and the radio, so I don’t really have to experience commercials at all. But the thing is I actually happen to kinda like commercials, some of them anyway. I laugh every time I see the insurance commercial where the guy does the Heismann pose and then falls down the stairs, and nothing brightens my day about hearing of the accomplishments of a Real Man of Genius. And hey, I’m all about anything that uses boobies to sell anything. I’m a guy, right.

Rachael Leigh Cook
Rachael Leigh Cook
From the latin for
OHMYGODSOFUCKINGHAWT!!!!
But what I don’t get is the recent trend in Public Service Announcements. I have no problem with PSAs in concept. They’re a fine idea. But there’s a right way and a wrong way to run a PSA. Back in my youth you stayed off drugs for one reason and one reason only. Because in 1987, doing the pot was gonna make your brain fry like an egg. Ok, maybe not. No one really believed the “this is your brain on drugs” thing, but it made for a pretty good message. Nice and simple. Iconic. It was an effective bit of advertising. And it was made even better when they remade ten years later and put Rachael Leigh Cook in it.

Rachael Leigh Cook
Rachael Leigh Cook
From the Old English forsmackitupflipitrubitdown
“This is your brain after you snort heroin” was an astounding piece of cinemagraphic mastery. The message was brilliant. It was well formed. It was memorable. And most importantly, it featured Rachael Leigh Cook. Fun Fact: Did you know that “Rachael Leigh Cook” is the word for hotness in 17 different languages (including Puerto Rican). And nothing, and I mean nothing that I have ever encountered in life has made me not want to get on the smack more than the sight of Rachael Leigh Cook in a tight nipple exposing wifebeater camisole top beating the shit out of an egg with a frying pan. Now that was a fucking PSA!

But see, that’s the problem these days. The Rachael Leigh Cook ad (HOVA, I had forgotten how much in love with her I was) was cool. And it was effective. I don’t have any actual data to back that up, really, but I’m pretty sure its true. That ad is as much responsible for me not doing heroin as Catherine Bach is for me going through puberty at age five. That ad was cool. And the Partnership for a Drug Free America knew that. They knew they had a winner. And they tried to do something that never works.

They tried to catch lightning in a bottle.

The PDFA apparently confused our base horniness for that commercial with thinking that we were actually staying off drugs because being off drugs was “Cool.” So they went on to make a long stream of commercials that try to enforce the idea that staying off drugs is cool. This trend continues to this day.

Just watch any anti-drug or anti-drinking PSA today. They’re all the same. A bunch of “cool” kids (note the scare quotes) are partying and having a good time. Maybe there’s a hot girl over there across the room who’s making google eyes at our young hero. But then, the hero takes a drag of a joint or drinks a sip of beer and not only is he no longer attractive to the hot girl, but the rest of the kids at the party throw him out. Why? Because drinking is just so totally uncool dude. And only total lameos do drugs.

Uh yeah… uh huh…

Ok, so lets just cut the bullshit, ok. Doing drugs is cool. Ok. Drinking is cool. Smoking is cool. Having lots of sex with nameless groupies is cool. That’s why all the cool people do those things. Snoop Dogg and Aerosmith are cooler than Barry Manilow and the Winans. Just deal, ok?

Does that mean that you have to do drugs? Nope, it doesn’t. It doesn’t even mean that you can’t be cool without doing drugs. There is lots of stuff that makes you cool. There are many ways of earning cool points. And as politically incorrect as it may be to say it, holding a vodka martini in one hand and a cigarette in the other while you snort cocaine off of the tits of a double d breasted groupie who said she was eighteen, really she did, I swear. Well, lets just all agree that that scores you more points than wearing your sunglasses at night.

See, the thing is, being cool isn’t necessarily the most important thing in the world. But its up there for a lot of kids. And if you’re going to give a kid tips at being cool, well then you better fucking be right. And few things are as uncool as having some grown-ups tell you that its not really cool to do something that is obviously cool.

So what is the right thing to do? Well that’s simple. Tell the truth. See, I have friends who are teenagers and I’ve come to a conclusion. Believe it or not, they’re basically people. You know more or less. Which means you can talk to them. No need to lie to them. Just says something like “hey, you know drugs can hurt your brain.” Then leave them alone. Maybe they’ll listen, maybe they won’t. But at least they won’t consider you a lame ass joke.

Rachael Leigh Cook
Rachael Leigh Cook
From the greek for yup, I'd do her!!!!
Or alternatively, you know you could like get an up and coming starlet to wig out and trash a set with a frying pan while looking really hot and leaving behind a desire to fuck her down and dirty style on the kitchen counter amid shattered dishes and messy egg yolk in everyone who sees her that lasts for at least 8 years to come.

Worked on me.


(12 comments | Leave a comment)

 
1KWFFH: on pot, PSAs, and psycho pussycats... - graffiti.maverick

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Comments:


[User Picture]From: limpingpigeon Date: September 23rd, 2005 - 01:53 pm (Link)
I liked the "Destroying the kitchen with a frying pan" commercial myself. Less for the hot-chick factor, and more for the "beating the hell out of things" factor.

So I guess they covered both the "horny male" and "chicks with a violent streak" demographics.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 23rd, 2005 - 02:27 pm (Link)
well, to be fair, wigging out and destroying everything in significantly added to her hotness. For instance, traditionally I much prefer girls with long hair to girls with shorter hair, and I've seen RLC with longer hair, but the image of her burned in my head has the short hair from that commercial, because the whole thing made that much of an impression on me.
[User Picture]From: viscous Date: September 23rd, 2005 - 01:59 pm (Link)
Yeah.

Wait, how old is the Rachael Leigh Cook PSA anyway?

Oh, I might actually be interested in the wrestling thing. What time was that? Is it the fixed up old Hays Public School?
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 23rd, 2005 - 02:36 pm (Link)
she was born in 79, so she was 18 when the commercial was airing, so she might have been 17 when she filmed it.

The wrestling open house is at 7, yes. And at the school in Hays. Space is kind of tight, and there are limited chairs, but they're usually really fun because you get to see a little bit more of the way we train and we're not totally in character. So you know, it nicely ruins all of the magic of wrestling. And what's more fun than destroying your childhood memories.
[User Picture]From: arilinn Date: September 23rd, 2005 - 02:04 pm (Link)
what about the horny chicks with violent streaks who want chicks with violent streaks demographic? I like that demographic :)
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 23rd, 2005 - 02:37 pm (Link)
heh... I love that demographic... *drool*
[User Picture]From: avocado_tom Date: September 23rd, 2005 - 03:33 pm (Link)
hey avocado_tom, how's it going

What! Oh, sorry, I was just resting my eyes.

Really.

Did someone say something?

Have another drink? Don't mind if I do!
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 23rd, 2005 - 03:35 pm (Link)
dude... my job would be like so much better if there was a wet bar in my cube...
From: (Anonymous) Date: September 23rd, 2005 - 07:27 pm (Link)

dating range redux

Hi.
I am fairly certain that quite some time ago you had posted a formula for determining the appropriate age range for potential romantic partners. I found it humorous at the time and when the topic came up in conversation today, I wanted to quote it but I could not remember it exactly. I was going to search within your posts for it but how to do so was not readily apparent if it is even possible. Could you repost it if you remember what you wrote?

Thanks

-doug
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 23rd, 2005 - 11:57 pm (Link)

Re: dating range redux

Hey there,

I'm fairly certain you're referring to the 1KWFFH on tapping that ass, no matter how old it is.... The formula was the woman was supposed to be half the mans age plus seven. I actually got it from someone else (thwomp)and from the movie Malcolm X. Hope that helps.

Anyway, who are you? I only know two Doug's off the top of my head, and I don't think either of them reads this, so I can only assume that you're someone I don't know. Which is all well and good. I always need to readers. So welcome.

But seriously... who are you?
From: (Anonymous) Date: September 28th, 2005 - 02:27 am (Link)

Re: dating range redux

I didn't even realize that I signed that comment but I'm dougm and used to own slackers.net before donating it to the collective last year. We met once or twice a long time ago through Erik and I stumbled onto your livejournal via someones friends list a while back. I enjoy your posts enough to check back once in a while. Of particular interest are your wrestling posts since i have on occasion sat through some of the IWC on TV. Thanks for the age range info.

-doug
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 28th, 2005 - 12:54 pm (Link)

Re: dating range redux

yeah, ok. I know who you are. Well welcome, please feel free to comment as often as you like. One of the reasons I do this is because I like hearing people alternate perspectives on the ridiculous crap that goes through my mind.

I don't really talk about wrestling here all that much. Most of my readers never seemed to be very interested. And there really isn't a lot for me to say most of the time anyway.
 

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