Let's just pretend I made some witty,
womanizing comment here. I'm too tired.
Ok... good... oh yeah... that's the stuff right there... ok, moving on...
So some of you have probably heard me bitch about the PTC before. The Parental Television Council, or NAMBLA (heehee, thanx Jon) are the self-appointed moral watchdogs of decency in this country. You know how when an aging sex symbol of a pop star shows some boobie on TV halfway through the year's most watched television program and then within 12 hours you find out that the FCC has already received 6,492,346,120,821 complaints. Well it turns out that all of those phone calls come from the same 14 people – A bunch of joyless neo-religious zealots who don't feel that fucking up their own kids minds and lives with their bullshit is enough, so they have to get off by butting into the rest of their lives as well.
So anyway, every year the PTC releases a list of the top 10 Most and Least acceptable TV shows on primetime broadcast TV for that year. On Wednesday, they put out this years:
|1. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition ABC/8:00Sunday - Returning show||1. The War at Home Fox/8:30 Sunday - 1st Season|
|2. Three Wishes NBC/9:00 Friday - 1st season||2. The Family Guy Fox/9:00 Sunday - Returning show|
|3. American Idol Fox/Returning in spring '06||3. American Dad Fox/9:30 Sunday - Returning show|
|4. The Ghost Whisperer CBS/8:00 Friday - 1st Season||4. The O.C.Fox/8:00 Thursday - Returning show|
|5. Everybody Hates Chris UPN/8:00 Thursday - 1st Season||5. C.S.I. (Crime Scene Investigation) CBS/9:00 Thursday - Returning show|
|6. Reba |
WB/9:00 Friday - Returning show
|6. Desperate Housewives ABC/9:00 Sunday - Returning show|
|7. Bernie MacFox/8:00 Friday - Returning show||7. Two and a Half Men CBS/9:00 Monday - Returning show|
|8. Dancing with the Stars ABC/Returning in spring ||8. That 70's Show Fox/Returning in November |
|9. 7th Heaven WB/8:00 Monday - Returning show||9. Arrested Development Fox/8:00 Monday - Returning show|
|10. Not available.||10. Cold CaseCBS/8:00 Sunday - Returning show|
My favorite part is that they couldn't come up 10 accpetable shows. 126 hours of primetime television to choose from every week, 52 weeks a year, and they couldn't even come up with a tenth show they deemed acceptable to fill out their top ten. Wow. That's harsh. I mean seriously, just off the top of my head, what about Supernanny. Is there anything offensive at all about Supernanny?
I really don't get the list sometimes. I mean, yeah, I totally get that the PTC are a bunch of kooks. I also totally get that they basically hate pretty much anything that causes me to think a show is interesting. And now that they pretty much can't pick on the WWE anymore for fear of being sued for slander, they have to pick on other targets. Desperate Housewives seems like about as easy a mark as anything. It's popular and it's pretty much just about sex and violence. I think I've seen four episodes, and each of them has prominently featured titties, gunplay, kidnapping and more titties. The War at Home, one of my favorite new shows on the air, again an easy target. So far this season Michael Rappaport has scolded his daughter for stealing his stash of pot, and then encouraged her to fuck her black boyfriend (whom he hates) because his parents are members of a country club with a nice golf course. Now that, my friends is quality TV. They also hate the Family Guy. But I mean, that's pretty obvious.
What I don't get is some of the shows they seem to love this year. Traditionally the PTC likes pretty much any show that purports to teach strong Christian values. They were huge fans of Touched by an Angel and Joan of Arcadia? Lacking a token God show this year, they decided to latch onto Ghost Whisperer because since, well, she talks to ghosts. That's religious, right? They even excuse it because it hasn't had that much bad language or violence and no sex... yet! I love how they specify that the episodes "so far" haven't had any problems. They reserve the right to change their mind. Did you know the PTC used to love Smallville? Back when it was all just goody two-shoes boy scout stuff. It seems they don't like it as much what with all the sex and stuff that it has now. Look, I'm a huge Jennifer Love Hewitt fan, but lets face it, there's a reason she's famous. Two reasons, really. Let's see how they feel come sweeps.
What has the world come to when the moral watchdogs are pointing at Bernie Mac and Chris Rock as the pinnacle of decency in the media. I mean Chris Rock is "Mr. We Hate Niggas too!" and Bernie Mac? Hell, to this day I remain amazed that they even let white people listen to Bernie Mac, much less that they gave him his own show. But hell, big ups to the brother. Hell, maybe I can get a show based on my ramblings. And the PTC will love me. You know, because if nothing else, like the Wu-Tang Clan, Maverick is for the children! (We still miss you, ODB)
Anyway, I've long been an advocate of an alternative method of child rearing. I have this theory, see. In my mixed up little head, I consider children to be almost like real people. Just, you know, shorter. So I think its important to treat them as real people, able to make decisions and able to understand the complex concept of "stuff that happens in the magic little picture box over there is fake!" So I don't take a lot of stock in the theory that TV corrupts the brains of minors. I got to watch whatever I wanted as a kid and I turned out... uh.... ok, bad example. But still, some of you have kids. Most of you have got to know kids. I have to imagine 2 or 3 of you were maybe kids at some point yourselves. So I get that as a parent you selfishly want to raise your child in your own image, I get that, I support it, (that's why my kids are gonna be intelligent, artistic, sarcastic, sex-addicted anarchists) but are people really so afraid of children's independent thoughts that we have to force feed them only the most saccharine of entertainment? I have no problem with a parent censoring content from a three of four year old from watching content that they might be too young to understand (though again, not my kids, my kids will have a full awakening to crude humor, violence and sexual innunendo by the time they can walk... just think in nursery school "there goes little two-year-old Jimmy Aloiscious Maverick. Already clockin' da hos"), but does that really equate to "Cold Case is a fine show for adults, but is inappropriate to be shown at 8pm on Sundays, because kids might be watching?"
Most of the PTCs complaints seem to be with sexual topics, violence and drugs being addressed on television. Ok, for ease of argument, I'm going to let them have the drug part. I might not agree, but fine, for common ground lets just say that promoting drug use is bad (see, I'm a giving family man, where's my sitcom. Fox, UPN, c'mon WB, help a brotha' out). But violence. I hate when parents don't let their kids watch anything violent. I always hear that argument about wrestling. Kids can't watch wrestling, because there's violence. Ummm, well lets think about it. Wrestling has good guys and bad guys. And really, the good guys and bad guys are generally pretty easy to sort out at like a ten second glance. The good guys fight the bad guys. And pretty much, in the end, the bad guys lose. Sounds like a perfect christian message to me. What's the problem? If an 6 year old can't watch HHH in a wrestling ring and figure out that he's a bad person and not to be emulated inside of about 2 minutes, then I'm sorry, he has serious developmental issues that need to be looked into, and his TV watching habits are the least of your worries.
That brings us to sex. Ok, I don't get it. What's the big deal? Why is everyone afraid to let kids know that sex exists? I'm ok with saying you're too young to have sex (unless your last name is Maverick). But is it really that awful to allow your children the chance to understand the world? If only so that you can't point to it and say "watch those people. They are fornicating. They are sinners and going to hell!" Honestly, I can't imagine that an 8 year old wants to watch Desperate Housewives. But if he does, why is that so bad? Ok, I really don't get it. I've never actually had my own kids before. What is it that we're supposed to be so afraid of here. If your 5 year old daughter sees this wanton behaviour, then she'll grow up to be a slut? Is there any correlation there whatsoever? See, I think that repressing a kid makes them more wild in the longrun. And anyone would know that if they ever bothered to watch any number of these shows that they're saying should be banned. Besides, everyone knows that catholic school girls give the best head.
In other news, Lisa Loeb was on The Colbert Report for about 10 seconds earlier tonight. It made me feel all warm and gushy inside. If you're not watching the Colbert Report, you should be, and if you're not totally hot for Lisa Loeb, then you're not my friend anymore. And if you are hot for her, well, you can't have her. She's mine! MINE I SAY!!!!