Mav (chrismaverick) wrote,

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on sex on the first date...

Sinfest: On the First Date
On the First Date. 3/22/2000
So a few weeks ago, beststephi and I got into this conversation with atraxen and his girlfriend, Gabriella about the age old topic of "sex on the first date." I had been meaning to put some thoughts down about that here ever since then. But I never got around to it. However, due to the nice little Hallmark holiday we had a couple days ago, I figured now was a good time to put it out there.

Do boys lose respect for a girl who has sex on the first date?

So, when I was a middle upper class teenaged white girl growing up in the fifties, my mother would often pull me aside and say to me, "Mavina, boys don't like girls who are too fast. Just because the boy buys you dinner, that doesn't mean you owe him anything. He'll respect you more if you wait for marriage. If you go to far with him on the first date, he'll never call you again." Or something like that. I don't really remember, because I've never actually been a teenaged white girl in the sixties. But I have seen an episode or two of Father Knows Best, so I'm pretty sure it went kind of like.

But does it make any sense? Not at all. Pretty much every statement there is false.

1) Boys don't like girls who are fast - Uh, yes we do. Trust me. You get me a room of ten single teenaged boys and you tell them to pick between the hot girl in a miniskirt with a bare midriff halter top who wants to skip dinner and the movie and go straight to necking in the back seat of the and the conservatively dressed cardigan sweatered mousy type who has to be home by 9:30 and ask them to choose, I can bet you eight of them go with the hot girl. And the two who don't? One is a bible thumping fundamentalist who is probably no fun anyway, and the other is gay.

2) Just because the boy buys you dinner, that doesn't mean you owe him anything - Ok, "owe" may be a strong word, but there is a reason we're buying dinner, and it ain't because there's just too much money in our pockets. Don't get me wrong. This isn't prostitution (not that there's anything wrong with that, because there isn't). But a guy spends money on a chick for one reason. And that is to impress the pants off of her. Are we expecting sex on the first date? Ok, maybe not. But we're sure as hell hoping. That's why you're eating Red Lobster and not Burger King, dammit. Now I ain't sayin' you're a gold digga, but you ain't messin with no broke niggas.

3) He'll respect you more if you wait for marriage - Ok, am I alone here in thinking that "waiting for marriage to have sex" idea is really fucking stupid? I mean, what if the sex sucks? Seriously. Ok, I guess the common argument is that if you'd only slept with one person, you'd not have anything to compare that to. But that's bullshit. Brussel sprouts suck too. Not because I'm comparing them to how something else is. They're just nasty. Is that superficial? You're supposed to think the physical part of the relationship doesn't matter. Bullshit. If sex doesn't matter, then you're doing it wrong.

4) Go too far on the first date and he'll never call you again - You ever get a blow job on the first date? I have. You know what I did the next morning. I fucking called! Why? Because I wanted another. The only way this one is true is if its meant to be a one night stand, or if the sex is really bad. And if the sex is really bad then its definitely best to get it out of the way on the first date so that we don't waste any more of each others time.

So where does the respect issue come from? Gabby seemed to really think there was something there. She honestly believed that boys thought about that sort of thing. Kevin and I both agreed that we don't. Boys like sex. We like girls who like to give out sex. I always hear that boys "want to marry a virgin." That's bullshit too. If a boy is going to promise to be with a girl for the rest of his life then he wants her to be experienced and to know some tricks. Is there anyone reading this who's only ever been with one person? And is still with them? And wants to talk about it? Anyone ever deflower a girl (or boy) and they knew instinctively where to put everything, how to move just right, how to do that thing with their tongue? Because I think you need practice and experience to learn that shit, and I think that comes from experimenting with different people over a long time.

"Yeah, the 72 virgins are interesting for a while, but eventually you're going to want a finger up your ass...and who will be there to do it?"
-Dennis Miller, the Raw Feed,
on the foolishness of receiving virgins as a reward in the afterlife

Of course that's just my opinion, I could be wrong... I wanna know what you think, America... blah blah blah...

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