March 10th, 2006


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12:34 am - on sharing sex secrets with sires...

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on sharing sex secrets with sires... - graffiti.maverick — LiveJournal

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Comments:


[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: March 10th, 2006 - 01:55 pm (Link)
hehehe.... well, to be fair, you don't talk to him about your sex life either, but apparently you'll talk to your mom. Right? So I don't know that its really hypocritical, is it? Just who you're more comfortable with. I mean, you're going home later today, right? Try walking up to your dad and saying "dad, I want to ask you a serious question. Can we talk?" He'll say something like "Yes, Princess, of course. You can talk to me about anything." And then just ask him something about sex. It doesn't have to be crazy or graphic "Hey, daddy. One of the 4 guys I've been fucking wants to try anal, but I usually make a guy wait a 4 dates. What do you think?" it could be something really simple, but that undoubtbly concerns sex "Ben has been acting bored with sex. What can I do to spice it up?" or even "do you think its important to be sexually monogamous at my age, or is it ok to play the field?" I'd be curious to his reaction. And really it might surprise you. *shrug*

I honestly believe that one of the reasons that my mom (mamarayne) and I get along so well is that I basically decided that I was an adult when I was like 12, and have behaved like I was ever since. It actually created problems when I actually was a kid, but I think the fact that I don't allow her to treat me like a kid really helps my relationship with her as an adult. I imagine she'll probably see this comment and weigh in herself, so stay tuned. On the other hand, I know a lot of people in their 30s and beyond who basically let their parents treat them like children or teenagers, and so they continue to do so. beststephi is going to assume that I'm talking about her, but I didn't mean her exclusively. That said, just as an example, we've been living together for like 7 years now, and I seriously imagine that her parents probably prefer to believe that we've never had sex. Honestly, I think they probably prefer to believe that her brother (married, with 2 kids) has had sex exactly twice. Eh... maybe they'd front him a third time for the honeymoon, but that's it. Maybe not. But this is the kinda thing I am wondering about.
[User Picture]From: sexyhockihoochi Date: March 10th, 2006 - 04:28 pm (Link)
I don't talk to my mom about my sex life either. She just is aware that it's going on, since I told her I was having sex with Ben. It's not like I'd walk up to my parents and be like "Hey Ben and I just had some amazing sex. It was such an intense orgasm, and I think I'm going to do it again in an hour or so." My dad knows I have sex because my mom tells him, but he will always be in denial that his little Princess is engaging in such behavior. His son, however, is to be congratulated. Sociological double standard, but whatever. I don't care if they know, but I'm not likely to go bragging to anyone in my family about my sex life, just because we don't discuss that very often in my family. We're still really set in Eastern European ways since my grandparents immigrated here. It's more of a "you're not married, you can't have sex thing." My brother knows I have sex, and occasionally I will make obscene comments to gross him out.

As far as other parents not believing their children are sexually active, it may be because of religious reasons. Some extremely religious people believe that you should only have sex to produce children, so having sex twice in your lifetime with two kids is plausible to them. I guess it all depends on your family's beliefs/morals/ideals/whatever you want to call it.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: March 10th, 2006 - 06:31 pm (Link)
Yeah, I totally buy that the double standard still exists. But like most things that I post here, I'm really interested in trying to understand why. A lot more so than I care to try to change it. So the old-country proper immigrant mentality totally makes sense there. The question of course is, did your parents follow that reasoning themselves when they were your age.

That's the rub, really. I totally get if someone is religious to the point that they believe that sex should only be used for procreation. There's logic to that. Logic I don't agree with, but logic I can follow. So I'm cool with it. But I don't understand the mentality of "I know what I was like when I was my kids age, so I'm going to watch him/her like a hawk so s/he doesn't do the same things!" TO me, the immediate question is "but if your parents did that to you, wouldn't you have just been even more devious?"

When I have kids, I'm going to let them lose their virginity at 7 if they want. Just totally get rid of all of the pressure right from the jump.
[User Picture]From: sexyhockihoochi Date: March 14th, 2006 - 04:36 am (Link)
Sorry I took so long to respond.

I don't know why a double standard exists. (Why did my brother cut the grass while I did the laundry? No clue.)

My mom came straight out and told me that her and my dad didn't have sex until they were engaged. Of course mom was 18 and dad was 19 at that time. But you can bet that my parents never told THEIR parents that they had sex. Personally, I would rather not know about my parents' sex life, so I assume they wouldn't really want to hear about my booming sex life.

My dad lives in another world as far as my sex life is concerned. He doesn't believe it will ever exist just because I'm his princess. My mom wasn't into the whole "watch her like a hawk," but she gave me a sex talk at 13 and again when she found out I was having sex with Ben (at 19). She didn't focus on the whole "never have sex". She just told me about safe sex and to make sure I really cared about the person.

I wouldn't want my kids having sex before high school ends, but that's simply for practical reasons. Whether male or female, I'd prefer not to have my children getting pregnant or getting someone else pregnant in high school. And no matter how safe you think the sex is you're having, it's not fool-proof. I've known women who have gotten pregnant while on the Pill and using condoms all the time. Rare, but not impossible. I don't think virginity is so much pressure. I was taught that sex is special, something you do with people you care about. I'd prefer that my children understand that. That doesn't mean they should wait until they're married or only have sex with one person in their life time. I would just prefer that my children don't have sex with every random person they meet. I don't want sex to replace real intimacy either.

To me, I wouldn't mind if my children came to talk to me about sex. I'd rather not have my child come up and say something like "damn, I fucked Betty Sue so hard last night that she was sore for a week. Hey mom, do you think dad will give me pointers on how to make her cum quicker?" I doubt my parents would want to hear anything like that either. I wouldn't even really want to know that anyone in my family was humping like a wild monkey. Hell, I really don't want to hear that anyone is humping like a wild monkey except myself and Benny.

I think it's all in how you were raised. There isn't a right or wrong issue here. Just a difference in culture and upbringing.
[User Picture]From: mamarayne Date: March 11th, 2006 - 01:44 am (Link)

WHAT!!! You're having SEX?!!!

#1 - I thought the reason I don't have grandchildren was because my angelic sons were saving themselves for marriage... sigh

#2- You don't “allow” me to treat you like a kid? Are you nuts? It has nothing to do with you allowing or not allowing... this was MY choice bubba! I figured if I wanted my kids to act mature then I needed to treat them that way (within reason, that is... it's a progressive process). You have to let kids make decisions, then let them fall on their asses, then pick them up, dust them off and hope they learned something. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. “It” being both the method and my success and/or failure to treat you that way. Hey, I never said I was perfect... that's way too tough to live up to!

[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: March 12th, 2006 - 04:43 pm (Link)

Re: WHAT!!! You're having SEX?!!!

1) umm... yeah, you're thinking of Marcus... yeah, that's it...

2) That's just your point of view. From my point of view, I do. In fact there were many times when I was a kid that we clashed pretty big because you would try to reverse my behavior and I wasn't having it. I'm not saying anything is wrong or right about it. What I'm saying is that because of our relationship (which got quite strained) back then, you certainly don't expect me to react well to not being treated like an adult today.

See, we don't really disagree.
 

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