July 7th, 2006

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12:35 am - on appropriate apparel...

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on appropriate apparel... - graffiti.maverick — LiveJournal

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[User Picture]From: sonbanon Date: July 7th, 2006 - 04:05 pm (Link)
It'll only remain a superficial society as long as everyone allows it to be. If more and more of us start making decisions based on substance, well, the trend will change, right?

I am not saying that women need to wear baggy clothes. I'm just saying that cleavage and tight pants are distracting at work. They are distracting all the time, actually, but I don't welcome the distraction at work.

Funny story: I've gained about 15 lbs this year since I quit smoking in January, and part of that is in my, uh, breasteses. So, most of the blouses I have no longer fit, but I'm on a pretty tight budget so I can only replace things a little at a time, right? Anyway, I wore this tight blouse to work but recognized that it wasn't appropriate all buttoned up (too tight plus you could see my entire chest through the gaps... and I couldn't even button it all the way up anyway, gained that much weight), so I layered a lacy tank under it. I was entering a meeting that morning when a male coworker stopped me and said, "Sonbanon, I think your blouse has come undone and your bra is showing." Right, so we all know what men are looking at, but I had to explain to him that it was SUPPOSED to look that way. Anyway, my point is: breasts are distracting all the time, but showing them off makes them even more distracting!

Listen, I'm not a prude and I probably sound like one. I'll prove it by saying that I spent more than most of my teenage years clad in barely anything. Some of my clothes were so provocative that my mom would regularly raid my room and throw them away.

As for what I allow my daughter now: she's 11 and doesn't yet realize the power of the female body. Because of that, she has no idea that OLDER MALES are actually checking her out. (It's gross, but I've seen it happen.) I coach her quite a bit on what I think is appropriate, but I also allow her to make her own choices with her wardrobe within reason. I actually really don't like the majority of what she likes, so most of what she owns is not stuff I'd choose for her.

She wears make-up in public and she has her ears pierced. If she asked for her nipples or belly button to be pierced, I'd probably want her to wait til she was at least 15. She'd be sent home from school in anything shorter than her finger tips, so no miniskirts there, but she does wear them. Unfortunately, she's gifted with an ass like mine, so I try to steer her away from short skirts.

At what age can she make all the decisions for herself? I dunno--at what age did you? I'm still not sure that I do and I'm in my (very early) 30s.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: July 7th, 2006 - 05:54 pm (Link)
On your blouse story: Why didn't you just wear the shirt unbutton entirely and wear the tank under it? Or was the tank too lacy for that? As a guy, I think seeing a girls bra is a lot "distracting" as you say then seeing the same girl in a bikini because we're guys and there's something about that aspect that we're not supposed to be seeing it. Its a naughty kinda thing. We're boys. We're stupid.

On your daughter: Are you sure she doesn't notice? Obviously, I've only met her the twice, but she seems rather bright. If she wears makeup she obviously wants to be "pretty." Maybe she just doesn't care to make a big deal of inappropriate attention or maybe she is just mature enough to ignore it? *shrug* Anyway, it's rather cool that you let her make her own decisions.

On making all decisions: I dunno. I think mamarayne would agree that she gave me a fair bit of leway with stuff while I was growing up. I've always been pretty independent. That said, I sometimes ask her for guidance on stuff even now. I was more getting at when would she be allowed to say "Mom, I want to get my nipple pierced" without you freaking out. And you kinda of answered that. On the flip side, I knew some parents that wouldn't even allow their daughters to get their ears pierced at 15.
[User Picture]From: sonbanon Date: July 7th, 2006 - 06:18 pm (Link)
Aw, my "start" and "end" idealism tags didn't show up for my first paragraph above. Dang.

She's bright but I don't think yet has the social maturity to quite understand what I'm referring to as the power of the female body.

As for my blouse/ tank story: It's way too complicated to explain in detail on LJ but I had to wear something professional and I literally had nothing else available, again, due to weight gain + negative finances. Leaving the blouse unbuttoned was too casual. In hindsight, a less lacy tank would have been smarter and would have looked like a tank under the blouse, not a bra/negligee thingy.

P.S. I was thinking about you at lunch today. My waitress had the biggest chest, like big long saggy chest, and this like foot long twisted up cleavage. It wasn't distracting: it was disgusting. I don't know that my male companion felt the same way :)
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: July 7th, 2006 - 07:19 pm (Link)
Contrary to what one might assume by the way I write here, I'm actually not overly fond of very large cleavage. Nice cleavage, sure. But bigger doesn't necessarilly mean better.

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