September 22nd, 2006

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11:51 pm - on setting up an alibi...

Alexis Bledel
You're over 18, right?!?!
So beststephi and I have were watching Dateline NBC To Catch a Predator tonight. In the six specials they have produced so far, it has become one of my very favorite shows.

For those who haven't seen the show before, it works like this Perverted Justice, an online watchdog group goes into myspace and whatever other chat rooms there are that sexual predators use and they pose as teenagers and flirt with lonely fucked up men until the men decide they want to meet. Then they tell the men that their parents aren't going to be home and they give them an address. The men then show up at the house where a young looking 20+ year old actress is waiting and pretending to be the 14 year old girl they met on the internet. She invites them in and gives them tea and cookies then excuses herself to go and check on the laundry. At this point, Dateline correspondant, Chris Hansen (or as I like to refer to him, after the nickname he was given on the Bubba the Love Sponge Show, "Penny Loafer Jones") comes out and surprises the unsuspecting idiot and interviews him. The men then no doubt tell Hansen that they've never done this before, that despite the chat transcripts that he's holding and and the beer and condoms the men brought in their trucks (they always drive trucks) they just wanted to be friends with the young girl and talk. The poor lost soul then apologizes and Penny Loafer Jones assures him that he is free to leave at any time he wants. The man hangs his head in shame and walks out the door where he is immediately tackled to the gound at gunpoint by 4-6 members of the local constabulary.

Obviously the show is awesome, but it got me to thinking. You see, in the last couple episodes several of the men have stated that they in fact recognized Penny Loafer Jones immediately from the previous specials. Some have even warned the fake underaged girls in the chat rooms that they have to be careful because they don't want to end up on Dateline. Since I am totally paranoid (which is ok, cuz they really are out to get me) I'm fairly certain that at this point my little blog here has got to be on about 18billion government watchdog lists. After all, in the simple category of sexual deviance with minors I have praised R.Kelly for his honesty, admitted that if I were 14 I would have fucked both Debra LaFave and Pamela Rogers, called for more sex in the Miss Teen USA pageant, and counted the days til Hermoine Granger's ass was leagally tappable. (oh wait, in her native tongue, I guess that would be "when her arse was properly shaggable" whatever). Also, one not familiar with my chinese heritage might reasonably make the assumption by looking at me that I am a negro, so the Man is likely to want to keep me down.

And so, I have decided to take the advice of Dave Chappelle and establish my alibi ahead of time. It is now Friday, September 22, 2006. 11:51EST. Note the time!

I would just like to point out that I came up with this plan while talking to Steph and watching the show. I would really really like to meet Chris Hansen/Penny Loafer Jones. And so, its highly likely that I might at some point in the future go cruising the internet for undercover actors posing as young girls, cyberflirting with them, sending them pictures of my penis and promising to bring them beer, webcams and sexy lingerie, and making plans to teach them how to lick my <expletive deleted> and then be the first to <expletive deleted> them because I am so <expletive deleted>ing horny and I just can't help myself. I totally expect that I am not talking to a real 14 year old. And would in no way actually do anything to a real 14 year old if one actually showed up at the door. I just want to meet Penny Loafer Jones. Umm, yeah.... that's the ticket!

By the way, I make no such promises about my intentions towards the really young looking hottie 25-year-old actresses who might answer the door in little tanktops and short shorts, pretending to be 14 and offer me tea and cookies. I mean, they are actually legal and I'm only human.

(14 comments | Leave a comment)

on setting up an alibi... - graffiti.maverick — LiveJournal

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[User Picture]From: marmal8 Date: September 23rd, 2006 - 02:33 pm (Link)
What's with the "<expletive deleted>"s? I expect to receive my Mav uncensored.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 23rd, 2006 - 03:07 pm (Link)
Yes, but Dateline NBC is a network televeision show.

Actually, when they write the chat transcript quotes, they replace the cursing with "_____" but I thought "<expletive deleted>" read better.
[User Picture]From: marmal8 Date: September 23rd, 2006 - 03:16 pm (Link)
But you're pre-censoring yourself! What is the world coming to???? I weep.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 23rd, 2006 - 07:01 pm (Link)
ah... but it isn't real censorship when its done in the name of humor.
[User Picture]From: sexyhockihoochi Date: September 23rd, 2006 - 03:48 pm (Link)
I have to agree that I love those specials. A few of them caught the same guys returning two or three times to meet an underage girl.

And your excuse will not work in court, but they can't get you for child molestation anyways because you didn't actually do anything. You'd only get an attempt charge. Less prison time. lol
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 23rd, 2006 - 07:02 pm (Link)
well, I'm thinking they'd actually get me on a charge of stalking Penny Loafer Jones.
[User Picture]From: sui66iy Date: September 23rd, 2006 - 04:21 pm (Link)
So do these guys that they set up actually do jail time, or do their lawyers get them off on some sort of entrapment thing?
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 23rd, 2006 - 07:10 pm (Link)
It was implied that they actually do prison time, though one of the guys brought up at his arraignment that it was entrapment and not actually a crime because as he understood it the girl in question was actually in her 20s.

Of the 6 guys they featured last night, they said 4 were out on bail awaiting their trials in the fall and the other two were still in jail because they couldn't make bail. I haven't seen them update on any of the guys from previous specials, but I have to believe if they're still doing it (and Perverted Justice has been doing it for quite some time even without Dateline) at least some if not all of them must do time.
From: (Anonymous) Date: September 23rd, 2006 - 09:52 pm (Link)
I'm too lazy to log's Nicki...

Those are the convictions they listed.

Like I said, you can't get them on child molestation because they didn't have sexual relations with a child , but you can get them on attempt because they made a step toward committing the crime (which is why the "underage girls" ask them to bring, condoms, alcohol, pokemon cards, helps prove intent.)
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 24th, 2006 - 12:10 am (Link)
well sure, but none of them have ever used the "I have a crush on Chris Hansen" excuse. I'm telling you. The Penny Loafer Jones Defense is rock solid!
From: (Anonymous) Date: September 24th, 2006 - 02:26 am (Link)
LOL. Somehow, I doubt they'll buy that excuse. Or they will buy it and you'll get arrested for stalking :-)
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 24th, 2006 - 03:20 am (Link)
no no no... don't you see, its not an excuse. That's why I am pointing out now that that's what I am doing. You are all my witnesses/alibis. NOTE THE TIME!
[User Picture]From: jameel Date: September 24th, 2006 - 07:36 am (Link)
Your ass is gonna get tackled.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: September 24th, 2006 - 01:15 pm (Link)
I will not! Good HOVA in Brooklyn, why does everyyone underestimated the Penny Loafer Jones defense?

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