November 20th, 2007

Previous Entry Next Entry
02:07 am - on may-december romances and karaoke with strippers...

(64 comments | Leave a comment)

on may-december romances and karaoke with strippers... - graffiti.maverick — LiveJournal

• Recent Entries
• Friends
• Archive
> ChrisMaverick dot com
• profile

Art & Photography
> 365 Days of Mav
> Mav's Flickr Stream
> MavTV (youtube)
> Party Nook

> International Males
> IWC Wrestling
> BDW Wrestling
> CWF Wrestling

> Mav's DVD Library
> Verdandi (currently down)
> Mav's Schedule (currently down)
> Mav's MySpace
chrismaverick. Get yours at


[User Picture]From: lonelocust Date: November 20th, 2007 - 11:12 am (Link)
Well, I always say age doesn't matter unless you're a cheese. In reality, there's probably few 19- + 43-year-olds that would have a huge amount in common, but there's sure to be some, and besides that whose god damned business is it to judge the relationships that other people choose to be in short of said relationships being abusive?
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: November 20th, 2007 - 03:17 pm (Link)
that was pretty much my entire argument in a nutshell, yeah.
[User Picture]From: katieboyd Date: November 20th, 2007 - 03:36 pm (Link)
Thing is, it's a bit beyond "are they good for each other" and "do they have anything in common" an age difference that extreme (20+ years) deals with issues regarding sense of authority and imbalance of power. Think to why pedophilia is bad. Not that such age differences are the same as pedophilia, but to that extreme, it is very likely that they contain similar issues, though not to a criminal degree.

I don't think it's impossible for a healthy relationship with a 20+ year age difference. I just think it'd be a rather rare exception.
[User Picture]From: jameel Date: November 20th, 2007 - 03:45 pm (Link)
Pedophilia's bad because the child is pre-pubescent. They're by definition not ready for any sort of sexual relationship. Ephebophilia (loving adolescents) is bad because our society says it's bad. Colloquial use has blurred the two concepts and attached a lot of the negative connotation of the former to the latter. I'm right there with you regarding the imbalance of power and abuse of authority, though. That's a real concern.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: November 20th, 2007 - 04:55 pm (Link)
see, as I was saying, I'll the unbalance of power issue if its based on deceit or manipulation, but I don't think that that's always the case. I can see a very real possibility that you want a stronger person. Maybe you're just submissive.

And I still don't think that its a given that the older person has all the power. I'm pretty sure that Anna Nicole Smith was more dominant than her 90 year old husband.
[User Picture]From: jameel Date: November 20th, 2007 - 05:09 pm (Link)
That's why I said that it was a concern, not a given.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: November 20th, 2007 - 06:04 pm (Link)
that's fair
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: November 20th, 2007 - 03:55 pm (Link)
Ok, I'll grant that's a possibility, but I don't think it really has to be limited to age. I know plenty of people where one partner certainly dominates the other and they're around the same age. I don't think its even necessarily bad if that's what the less dominant person wants. It might not be the kind of relationship you or I want, but if someone wants an authority figure for a lover, isn't that their business?
[User Picture]From: lonelocust Date: November 20th, 2007 - 04:20 pm (Link)
See, I think that would be a concern, but not a universal. Certainly a 19-year-old who thinks of themself as a kid and thinks of "adults" as authority figures (and there are certainly a plethora of such 19-year-olds) is probably unhealthy dating the vast majority of 43-year-olds. But I don't think one can assume from just the ages that such a power dynamic is going to exist.

I think power/authority is an important thing to avoid in healthy relationships. For example, I'm very hard-pressed to imagine a situation in which a high school teacher is dating a student of theirs and that is healthy, even if the student is say 18 and the teacher is say 24. I wouldn't find anything weird about a 24-year-old dating an 18-year-old, but I think that high school teachers are presented as and generally understood as authority figures. While I still think it's a little sketchy, I have far fewer concerns about a college student dating a professor while in that person's class. I think that there's far less perception that college teachers are authority figures over their students in the way that high school teachers are. I still think there's some amount of authority figureness going on there, and thus it's sketchy, but a professor who is 40 dating an 18-year-old student gives me far fewer concerns than a high school teacher who is 24 dating an 18-year-old student because of different power dynamics. (But really in such cases, I think if they like each other they should just wait until they're not currently in a student/teacher relationship and then date.)

Uhm... I don't think it's like pedophilia at all. Pedophilia is sexual interest in pre-pubescent persons. Pedophilia is bad (in my mind and I believe in reality) because one who is pre-pubescent does not by definition have developed sexual desires as we know it and MUST be being controlled/pressured by the person with the developed sexual desires. Of course, I refuse to acknowledge the media standard of calling stat rape "pedophilia". Attraction to post-pubescent 16-year-olds is utterly normal.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: November 20th, 2007 - 05:02 pm (Link)
see, there I'm on your side, more or less. I think the moral issue with dating a student, whether in college or in high school is important because there is a power issue. It could go either way. Maybe the professor has undue influence over the student due to position and its unhealthy for the student, or maybe the student bangs the professor so good that it improves the students grades unfairly, which is unhealthy to the professor and unfair to the rest of the kids in the class.

Maybe neither of those things are the true, but in a class setting, the perception that its possible by the other students, I think creates and unhealthy class environment that I think should be avoided.
[User Picture]From: lonelocust Date: November 20th, 2007 - 04:06 pm (Link)
Then it's official. Tell your lady friends, "Nice try, bigot!"
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: November 20th, 2007 - 05:05 pm (Link)
I'm sorry... but I like having a girlfriend. :-)

• Go to Top