February 1st, 2009

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01:54 am - on commemorative plates and shooting a man for snoring too loud...

Originally uploaded by chrismaverick.
Felt like ranting a little, and decided that this would be worth sharing not only with the livejournal world but also with my 365 self-portrait fans, since I was devoting my picture to it. So check over there if you want to see what livejournal people are saying on the subject.

Steph and I were watching TV tonight and there was a commercial that I took note of. It was a commercial for the Commemorative Barack Obama Historic Victory plate. Because of the unprecedented demand they are expecting orders of this historic heirloom from the American Historic Society to be SO HIGH, they are limiting orders to no more than TWO PER HOUSEHOLD! So like order yours now and everything.

Excuse me for a moment, while I go outside...


Ahem... Excuse me. Sorry about that, I'm back now.

Ok, I get that there are Obama fans out there. Really, first black president, it is pretty historic. Totally, get that. And seriously, I'm the last person to disparage anyone for wasting their money on stupid crap. I spend tons of money on tons of stupid crap. But seriously, who the fuck buys this shit?

I mean, this isn't the first time I've seen a commercial like this of course, there's always been random plates, coins and chess sets made to celebrate the birth of the nation, the civil war, space shuttle explosions, planes flying into skyscrapers and whatever. They've always been there. I'm 34 years old, and if it's not obvious, I've watched like a LOT of TV in my life. I've seen these commercials a million times over the years, but I've never bought a single commemorative plate.

I know lots of people. People from all walks of life. I have friends who are lawyers and friends who are cab drivers. I know millionaires and welfare moms. I have friends and family who are christians, jews, muslims, buddhists, pagans, wiccans and atheists. I've been in apartments and farm houses. Mansions and the projects. I have wined and dined with kings and queens and slept in alleys and dined on pork and beans (thanks, Dusty). But I have never ever EVER seen anyone who owned one of these plates. Not EVER!!!

And yet, somehow the Franklin Mint remains in business to this day! It just doesn't make any sense.

The real shame of it is that they still make this crap and yet they don't offer the TimeLife series of books anymore. How will younger generations learn of John Wesley Hardin and how he once shot a man for snoring too loud.

So who the hell buys these things? Do you know anyone who owns one? If so what plate? And it doesn't just have to be plates. Do you know anyone who owns the coins or chess sets? And if you do, please send them my way and let them know that I am now offering the commemorative edition Chris Maverick Infinity plate. I'm accepting pre-orders today for only $19.95. Each plate is hand crafted and comes with an authentic signed certificate of authenticity. Get one now and pass them along as family heirlooms. Be a part of history today!

(17 comments | Leave a comment)

on commemorative plates and shooting a man for snoring too loud... - graffiti.maverick — LiveJournal

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[User Picture]From: mizmoose Date: February 1st, 2009 - 08:15 am (Link)
But seriously, who the fuck buys this shit?

If you can possibly pardon my language, I'm pretty sure there are rednecks in Southern Buttfucknowhereia who have the full collection of Franklin Mint plates (and those fugly little dolls, too) saying to their bridge circle/{fishing/hunting} buddies, "Well, of course we had to buy the nigger plate, we need to keep a full collection!"

Now that I'm going to hell for my obviously racist thoughts, I'll wind up having to buy an Official Llama Plate just for my sins.

[User Picture]From: mizmoose Date: February 1st, 2009 - 09:05 am (Link)
Wait! I just realized I insulted black people AND rednecks in one comment! I need to say something about fags to make the bad language politically incorrect trifecta!

You may now safely commence hating me for the rest of my life.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: February 1st, 2009 - 04:43 pm (Link)
I guess they could start making... I dunno, a Matthew Shepherd plate or something... but one might say that might be "in poor taste" :-)
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: February 1st, 2009 - 04:42 pm (Link)
such language. Wow... I am shocked, SHOCKED I say.

And yeah, I could believe that if someone had the other 43 plates, they have to buy the nigger plate too, even if they don't want it. But I've been in redneck houses too, and I haven't seen anyone with the other 43 plates. So I'm just lost.
[User Picture]From: mizmoose Date: February 1st, 2009 - 05:03 pm (Link)
I dunno, Llama, I guess you're not hanging around with people who are white enough.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: February 1st, 2009 - 05:24 pm (Link)
hmmm... maybe I'll have to work on that.
[User Picture]From: limpingpigeon Date: February 1st, 2009 - 08:08 pm (Link)
So you're trying to "collect the whole set" of people from all different walks of life?
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: February 1st, 2009 - 09:28 pm (Link)
well you know, I'd like hate to leave the set incomplete!
[User Picture]From: sui66iy Date: February 1st, 2009 - 03:14 pm (Link)
The real shame of it is that they still make this crap and yet they don't offer the TimeLife series of books anymore.

COINCIDENCE? Read the book!
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: February 1st, 2009 - 04:47 pm (Link)
see, the modern generations, with their crazy internets and stuff, are missing out. They'll never know that joy. They'll never know about the kid who had a report to do on space. It's tragic, I say!
[User Picture]From: je2i Date: February 1st, 2009 - 03:22 pm (Link)
I'm pretty sure Connie's brother bought one for his girlfriend's father.

[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: February 1st, 2009 - 04:48 pm (Link)
woah! And he like doesn't even live in a trailer or anything.

Was he like being an ironic hipster or something? Or did he actually think it was a good idea?
[User Picture]From: thwomp Date: February 2nd, 2009 - 04:21 am (Link)
His fiance's father is a democrat, and he is a republican. He bought it for him as a Christmas gift. Apparently, the fiance's father was legitimately pleased by the gift, he ate Christmas dinner off it. Like, he really really loved it.
[User Picture]From: eriktheplaid Date: February 1st, 2009 - 04:03 pm (Link)
Of course you know that the "limit 2" is an artificial construct attempting to tweak people's hoarding instincts. Studies have shown that if you put a limit on something more people will buy up to the limit (generally buying more than they would otherwise)

To say nothing of it cravenly imbuing a crappy piece of ceramic with extra value for those dimwits on the fence about buying.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: February 1st, 2009 - 04:51 pm (Link)
well, sure I know that. That's why I used my ironic capitalization there.

That said, it's kinda disturbing to think that it could like work and stuff... Have you bought your two yet?
[User Picture]From: lonelocust Date: February 1st, 2009 - 05:10 pm (Link)
I saw exactly that collector plate for sale at Wallgreen's the other day, and I admit I was terribly tempted to buy in, though in that ironic for-the-lulz way (mostly). I think if it had been $10 instead of $20 I would have done it.

I distinctly recall some older person whose home I frequented as a child containing quite the plethora of decorative plates, but I really can't recall exactly whom the culprit was now.

Also they should totally bring back Time-Life books.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: February 1st, 2009 - 05:27 pm (Link)
I guess maybe it'd be kinda cool in an ironic sort of way if you bought all the president plates but then used them as plates. And you could like have a dinner party and serve spaghetti or something. And then your friends could totally guess what president they'd have before they started eating and then it'd be fun. The end of dinner would be people going "wow, I got Obama" "Cool, I got Garfield" "Damn, not Coolidge again!"

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