Mav (chrismaverick) wrote,

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kids don't try this at home (redux)...

Ok, enough of that... I can't believe people intentionally do this to themselves.

For the record, I weigh in at 179.0 lbs on my one day diet. Trust me, it was not just water weight, I did lose a legit 3 pounds. I expect that this wouldn't happen to most people, but 1) I've always had a pretty fast metabolism, and 2) I clearly have no tolerance for caffeine whatsoever anymore. So my body works really hard to expel all that crap. Anyway, I am now crashing pretty damn hard from the caffeine hit, and hopefully will be back to normal tomorrow. I HOPE! Honestly, these stupid sinuses aren't helping.

Random side effects:
  • I have a major caffeiene headache that I am looking forward to sleeping off.
  • I would randomly break into sweats at random points in the day whenever my metabolism decided it just wanted to work.
  • I'm extremely tired from my first caffeine withdrawl in a year and a half
  • I'm sore from my workout. I felt like I had a lot of energy, thanx to the super caffeine, but my body is more dehydrated than I'm used to, so now I'm just really sore. (even though I drank tons of water)
  • My pulse isn't exactly racing, but my normally really slow heart beat isn't right now, presumedly still effects of the drugs wearing off.

So, 3.5 lbs in 24 hours. Extrapolating, if I were to continue this for the full six days I had intended, I would have lost 21 pounds. If I had done it for the 2 weeks that people on the net said it would take to get noticeable effects, I would have lost 49 lbs. Four weeks (the recommended program on the ad at the store) would have dropped me 98 pounds, or more than half of my weight. If I could have maintained the full 12 weeks that is the maximum recommended program, I would have lost a very respectable 294 lbs. thusly shifting myself firmly into the negative universe and discovering sub-space. Sadly, I just don't feel up to it. Science will have to find some braver soul.

My recommendation: If you want to lose weight, use something a lot easier to deal with... like crack.

Not really a limmerick inspired by the lx_arena:

Now I lay me down to sleep...
No more Hydroxycut™, the risk too steep...
And if I die before I wake...
Well, it figures, really...

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