June 22nd, 2003

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10:29 pm - on laser hair removal...
It's been a while since I actually did this, but I have just driven past the annoying billboard about laser hair removal down the street from my house one time too many. So, here we go, a chance to really break in the eyecon with 1000 words of free flowing hostility:

Laser hair removal. Oh, how far technology has come. When I was a kid, lasers were used for one thing. Shooting enemy COBRA agents. Then, they figured out how to use them to fix eye problems, that was kinda cool. Now you use them to get a really good shave. Sigh.

Ok, so the way I see it, when it comes to hair, there are two kinds of people in the world. People who care about their appearance and people who don’t. Now if you truly and honestly don’t give a shit, I have no problem with you. Fine, go on about your business, the things I’m saying really don’t apply to you. But most of us do care. Even the militant alternative people who might claim they are rebelling against a narcissistic society by wearing their hair in blue mohawks care. See, they go through effort to do that.

So I’m all about fashion statements through body mutilation. I have the tattoo on my back and am thinking about getting one on my arm and I’ve punched a few holes in my body to hang trinkets from. So I have no problem with people making permanent or semi-permanent changes to their body in the name of a certain look, but I’m a firm believer in being sure. I thought long and hard about my tattoo. Made sure it was really what I wanted before I did it. Why? Because it doesn’t fucking come off! I can’t undo it. Barring major expenditures of cash on my part, it’s there and it’s staying there.

But there is this stupid fucking billboard down the street from my house that has a picture of the left side of a guy’s face with stubble and then the picture is split down the center with a laser and on the right side of his face, he’s nice and clean shaven. The message here is “get laser hair removal, and never have to shave again!” WHAT THE FUCK! Of all the dumbass shit! Laser your face so that you never have to shave again. How ridiculous. Why? I’ll tell you why.

Styles change. Desires change. See, some laser hair removal makes sense. If you have a hairy back, then please, be my guest. By all means, zap that shit off. If you’ve got a unibrow, eh, ok, go ahead… BZZZZTT! If you’re a woman, and you have some hairs sprouting out of your chin that you are tired of plucking. Well ok, that makes sense, burn that fucker. But lasering so that you don’t have to shave again? Well, if my pigmentally challenged readers will excuse me for a moment (the guy on the billboard was black), NIGGA PLEASE!

Just because you don’t want a beard or mustache today, that doesn’t mean you aren’t going to want one tomorrow, or next year, or in ten years. I know you may say, but I don’t like them… well, things change. When I was eight years old, I didn’t like girls… now, twenty years later, I can’t get enough of them. (Ok, that’s a lie… I was the “mack daddy” you see, I’ve been pimpin’ hos nationwide since I could walk… but you get my point) People change.

And now people are talking about getting their heads lasered because they like the bald look.


Of all the ignorant ass bullshit in the world. Sy Sperling must be throwing a fit right now. Seriously, I get that the bald head is actually kind of in right now. Especially for the negro man but really, what if the afro comes back again? And don’t say it can’t because the ‘fro was in for about 15 min. in 1997. You might have blinked and missed it, but I think the gangsta rappers were testing the waters so that they could bring it back strong in 2007. Four years from now, I’m gonna be rolling hardcore with hair out a foot and a half from my face, and my Huey Newton fist afro pick sticking out the top and you dumbasses are gonna get left out.

Same thing with women who laser off their eyebrows so that they can draw them in later. Dumbasses. All of them. Ok, I’m willing to make the reasonable prediction that the unibrow look is never going to be “in” in our life times, so if you want to zap that off, fine. But to go beyond that is just too risky. Remember when the Brooke Shields bushy look was in? It could happen again.

I’m willing to make other concessions, too. If you’re a woman, and you want to laser your legs? Ok, fine. Much like not having a hairy back, I feel good about the fact that you be reasonably sure that no one is ever going to think you’re unstylish because you don’t have hairy legs protruding from your mini-skirt. I’m kinda torn on the lasering of pubic hairs though. I want to say that, its ok, certainly it’s probably fine to do the bikini line. But going beyond that… well, as much as you make like it. As much as Playboy shows me that it may be in right now, a mere 20-30 years ago, the furry look was all the rage. Same thing goes for guys shaving their chest. It’s like eyebrows. It’s unlikely that the gorilla look is ever going to be in, but sometimes the hairy chest is.

I guess what I’m saying here, is that I understand the need to groom. I understand the need to want to be trendy. And I understand the desire to say, “To hell with that, fuck y’all… I have my hairy legs, arm pits, chest, and a beard down to here, and I don’t care.” But if you are the kind of person who does care, then don’t take your right to change your mind with the changing styles.

Unless of course, you’re a Buddhist monk, ok, then ignore me.

Current Mood: [mood icon] annoyed

(36 comments | Leave a comment)

on laser hair removal... - graffiti.maverick

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[User Picture]From: rmitz Date: June 22nd, 2003 - 08:54 pm (Link)
I know I look like shit with a beard. So. On the other hand, I'd not be ready to go through that procedure either.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: June 22nd, 2003 - 09:21 pm (Link)
right... and why? because you might change your mind, right?
From: rmitz Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 08:17 am (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 08:33 am (Link)
[User Picture]From: nowishere Date: June 22nd, 2003 - 09:01 pm (Link)
Seriously, I get that the bald head is actually kind of in right now. Especially for the negro man

Oh hell yes. :D
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: June 22nd, 2003 - 09:22 pm (Link)
ummm... I have hair, luv...
From: nowishere Date: June 22nd, 2003 - 09:24 pm (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: June 22nd, 2003 - 09:50 pm (Link)
[User Picture]From: dariaphoebe Date: June 22nd, 2003 - 09:41 pm (Link)
It's not a sex change operation... really, I could stand to lose my facial hair forever. It would be like the hair on top of my head, then...
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: June 22nd, 2003 - 09:58 pm (Link)
It's not a sex change operation...

says the man who claims to be a lesbian...
From: dariaphoebe Date: June 22nd, 2003 - 10:02 pm (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 08:54 am (Link)
From: dariaphoebe Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 08:57 am (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 09:22 am (Link)
[User Picture]From: cuddlyd00m Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 04:30 am (Link)
See, I've got that damned Italian 2-inch diameter neck hair. If I ever grow a beard, I'm not going to want it on my neck, and I regularly get razor burn from shaving that area. So I'm planning on getting laser hair removal on my neck. I guess that puts me in the "medically necessary" category. Too bad I can't convince my insurance of that...

As for the rest of the beard - Meredyth hates beards, and said she wouldn't mind if I got the rest of it lasered off, but I gotta agree with you about the changing styles thing.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 08:57 am (Link)
yeah, I can accept the neck hair as in the same category as back hair... but yeah, hold off on the face hair.... what if Meredyth gets hit in the head with a cartoon sledge hammer in 5 years and is totally fine with the sole exception that she now thinks full santa claus style beards are sexy... you'd be screwed...
[User Picture]From: chite Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 04:49 am (Link)
So you see, I have this auto-immune disorder called psoriasis. It affects the skin and it sucks. A lot.

There are, also, millions of people walking around with it who don't know they have it. See, in general it needs a trigger, something traumatic that happens to the skin that makes your skin start acting all weird.

Guess what the National Psoriasis Foundation has recently discovered is a seriously bad trigger? Laser Hair Removal. Seems one of the things they don't tell you is that a LOT of people go in for laser hair removal and, when their skin begins to heal, it doesn't heal normally. They get psoriasis placques, and, depending on where they have the hair removed from, it can be a fairly permanent thing, and cause outbreaks in other parts of the body.

My mother is fanatical about body hair and can't understand how I can not shave my legs (I do occasionally, but I'm afraid of breaking my skin due to reasons above). She was seriously pushing laser hair removal on me, until I informed her that I could end up having worse psoriasis outbreaks than usual. If there's one thing that bothers my mother more than my hairy legs, it's the ugly placques. (Yeah, she has issues)

Of course, the strange thing about lasers, is that there's another laser therapy that actually helps clear it up, but that's another story.

I should be answering your poll today when I get the chance.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 09:02 am (Link)
hmmm... good information... didn't know any of it...

and yes you should answer the poll... but ummm, which one? I have many....
From: chite Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 09:23 am (Link)


From: chrismaverick Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 09:38 am (Link)
[User Picture]From: drspooky Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 08:34 am (Link)
Guys who have hair lasered off their faces just look odd. Disturbingly alien and prepubesent, mostly because it removes the natural mammal fuzz as well as the annoying monkeyhair.

Also, hair on head, nay. Hair of face, aye.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 09:05 am (Link)
yeah, I didn't even get into how things looked, and whether it was good or bad to have hair in certain places... I didn't really want to make judgement calls as to whether leg hair or pubic hair or head hair was a good or bad thing... that's why I kept to the simple fact that you might just want to change your mind...
From: dariaphoebe Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 02:27 pm (Link)

Re: I *am* mean

From: ludimagist Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 09:52 am (Link)
This does strike me as odd.

I cannot imagaine anyone hating shaving that much.

Though incidentally, I will be bringing back the fro single handedly if I do not get a haircut soon.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 11:11 am (Link)
ooh! the white-man-fro.... resist... go out and get a pick! Be natural! Be proud!
From: ludimagist Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 11:16 am (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 12:00 pm (Link)
From: ludimagist Date: June 24th, 2003 - 09:30 am (Link)


From: chrismaverick Date: June 25th, 2003 - 07:29 am (Link)

Re: Multiculturalisim

From: ludimagist Date: June 25th, 2003 - 07:15 pm (Link)

Re: Multiculturalisim

[User Picture]From: darenzia Date: June 23rd, 2003 - 11:02 pm (Link)
"Even the militant alternative people who might claim they are rebelling against a narcissistic society by wearing their hair in blue mohawks care. See, they go through effort to do that."

Honestly, I'm not rebelling against a narcissistic society, I'm actually embracing it, and I'm certainly not militant. I fuss quite a bit about my appearance and make no claims that I don't.

Anyway, besides your little foray into what you seem to assume is my psychological makeup by looking at a few pictures of me, I agree with you on the rest of your little rant. You showed up in my stats and it piqued my interest.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: June 24th, 2003 - 12:55 am (Link)
heh... sorry about that... no offense was meant. I wasn't really specifically referring to you. I wrote the rant and decided I wanted a link there, so I searched for "blue mohawk" and you were the number one hit.

Yeah, a little looking at your site shows me that you do actually care about how you look which is fine as well... that was kinda one of my points (burried in there somewhere... its hard because I have this whole thing about being exactly 1000 words in all my little rants, so sometimes things get glossed over).

Anyway, I'm glad I could amuse you, and I am honestly sorry if I offended or misrepresented you. It was unintentional.
From: darenzia Date: June 24th, 2003 - 08:55 am (Link)
From: chrismaverick Date: June 24th, 2003 - 09:28 am (Link)
[User Picture]From: marmal8 Date: July 8th, 2006 - 05:17 pm (Link)

Your prediction was off by a year. The Afro is back now. At least in NYC urban junior high schools it is.
[User Picture]From: chrismaverick Date: July 8th, 2006 - 05:29 pm (Link)
yeah, I know... I've been doing it myself on occasion. But I don't think its quite back in full force yet. Next year, its gonna be all Earth, Wind and Fire, baby!

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